40+ ...and minuses
Do you straddle middle-age, with one foot in the past, one foot in the future and the present smacking you between the legs??
You do? Well, join the club!!
Each week, old mates; Jonathan Alden & Juan Miralles (and their Cats!) nostalgically cling on to their youth, reluctantly glimpse at old age, and banter their way through the irritations of their now middle-age life.
Introducing the hilarious and relatable comedy podcast that celebrates the trials and tribulations of being in that over 40 zone!
Welcome to 40+ ...and minuses!!
40+ ...and minuses
S3 E03: 2 Girls, 1 Cup!
Tune in as we navigate the awkwardness of a shared coffee and the oddly unpleasant feelings that can hijack your taste buds when someone takes a bite of your food. But that's not all; we also expose some disturbing video content we were misled into watching!
Plus, we take a deep look at the evolution of friendships, the challenges of maintaining social connections in a pandemic, and how solitude can serve as a shield against loneliness.
Please rate and share this episode if you enjoyed it. This really helps us grow the pod!
If you have any questions for us, please email: 40plusandminuses@gmail.com
Follow us at the following @40plus_and_minuses_podcast
We're both looking at each other. We were smiling like wait, we haven't said anything. This is audio. Oh, here we go. What? No, I just could breathe something in. I'm allowed to cough.
Speaker 1:I'll just breathe something in, yeah but we've just had like a 20 minute conversation and I think you cough once. Yeah, I was saving it. I think you're allergic to podcasting. That's what I think.
Speaker 2:I'm allergic to bullshit.
Speaker 1:You'd be dead.
Speaker 2:No, you'd say I'd be, oh mate.
Speaker 1:Don't. Don't how you been what you been up to?
Speaker 2:I've been all right. What have I been up to? I don't know. Working, John, Working watching the Rugby World Cup. I forgot about that. I've been talking about that.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Watched nearly every game. Maybe watched like about 20 minutes of the whole lot.
Speaker 2:Oh really you probably saw the best 20 minutes. England were absolute shit, so nothing's changed Cricket World Cup in watching that.
Speaker 1:England were absolute shit.
Speaker 2:Oh my Lord, Like the worst. They're at the bottom of the table. They're the reigning champions. Absolutely terrible. It almost to the point where I thought I could go and give it a go.
Speaker 1:And I support mine united, and they've been absolutely shit as well.
Speaker 2:It's all going well, it's all going well.
Speaker 1:It's been good for sport.
Speaker 2:Yeah, loving it, loving my sport, how's?
Speaker 1:Monty.
Speaker 2:He's all right, monty the cat, he's sleeping Very easy. He's sleeping some hot water balls. I love cats, but I give Monty his own kind of central heating system, so I filled two hot water balls, put it under a thick blanket, put another blanket around it and he's just got this like warm blanket all day that he goes and sleeps on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we just put the heating on the page. Shit loads of money for it. Yeah, damn to cheap. We've got heater hammocks. There's like three heater hammocks in the house and Bubbs is currently sitting next to me in one of those, and then I think Alfie's upstairs, under a chest of drawers, have a little snooze and then after the last time I checked was at the bottom of the stairs Just chilling out on the carpet.
Speaker 2:Showing you the contents of his stomach last night.
Speaker 1:Oh, mate. So last night I messaged one and sent him a video sitting on the sofa, mind your own business. One of our little cats, arthur, bless him. He's not very well, so he's basically at the moment. He's sick every two days pretty much. We have like a big sort of moment of like being sick and everything. Then he sort of has to kind of recover for about 12 hours and then he's fine again. That last night he was so cute. He was sitting in those pictures and I had his little head in his port and I was like, oh my God, he's such a gorgeous cat. Then suddenly I was like what the fuck? And it's literally a compote, a guy like a projectile vomit. And now this for those of you who are queasy, stop listening now but he's on a hypoallergenic food, so it's kind of almost like a kibble type looking thing, but it's like a blondie colour, so when he's sick it's like white porridge now.
Speaker 2:So it's not like he's bringing up meat or anything, so it's fine Like ready breakfast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a bit like runny ready breakfast, and it just went straight all onto the. Thankfully he was sitting on the end of the sofa and there was like a fleece that he was on, so I was able just to pick that up and put it in the washing machine. So he did nothing, really went on the sofa, but a big lot of it went across my legs and I jumped and I was like I jumped, I knocked over a big thing.
Speaker 1:A pint of water went all over the floor. Anyway, cleaned it all up, the missus came home and then I was sitting in the man cave and he'd come in there with me and he's sitting on the little poof in front of me and then suddenly you went whoop whoop, oh, no, anyway, all over my legs again. I was like for fuck's sake. I was like how can this happen twice in one fucking night? It's never happened before, but it's getting me used to. You know the potential of being a parent one day.
Speaker 1:I was going to say, yeah, is it putting you off? No, it's not really. I mean, I love him so much that I just, you know it's not his fault and I just want to be better. But I was surprisingly not that freaked out by it. I was just like I was a bit like, oh my God. But I was just like, oh, you know, because it's him and I cleaned myself off, it's all fine. But yeah, that was fun.
Speaker 2:That's a bit like when you go out, when you go out when you used to go out and like the young girl and you kind of meet someone, you go, oh, she's really fit, and like you know you're chatting to her and you're like, oh, this is all right, and then they turn around and just fucking vomit everywhere, like all over the pavement or something of that. Again they'll turn back, try and talk to you like no, I'm good, thanks, what do I do here?
Speaker 1:Our mutual friend Rachel she won't mind me saying this did that to me once. So this is back in the days where so we're talking probably year 2000. And we were sort of on and off a little bit and she was sort of, you know, playing me around a little bit, shall we say. But I was just like, oh, I really want to be with her first. And we went out on this night in this club in Dan and Bristol, and my mutual friend Darren quite liked you at that point this is before he came out as gay, but they like they've been best friends ever since they've been friends the whole life.
Speaker 1:But I think he's sort of you know that point of the young and he sort of motions get blurred and stuff, and I thought she was about to start messing him around as well and I she's sort of like she had to go at me in this club and she walked away and I just grabbed her arm, not aggressively, just to stop her going, and I got ejected out of this club by my neck.
Speaker 1:Like this like literally pulled me up by under my chin and my feet off the ground. I was like, oh God, and there wasn't like the fucking chunk they are now. I was like you know, some young or 20 year old guy Anyway, and they came out and met me to fair. So then we're walking down into central Bristol now these new fountains down there and stuff. I still thinking like oh, I really like this girl and stuff. And then she lay on her back in central Bristol and projectile, vomited like almost like the fountains next to it, all up in the air all over her face.
Speaker 2:Oh my, God In her hair.
Speaker 1:We were so drunk and then she said let's go and check into the Royal Mac. So on the corners is big Royal Marriott type like swanky hotel, Like it was on the corner of the bottom of Park Street in Bristol. Let's go, let's just go and get a room. We can't go home now. And I was like Rachel, we're not going to get a room in there.
Speaker 2:She's like let's try.
Speaker 1:So she walks up, she's like, oh yeah, cause she's on the north and we're coming to get her room. And the back is like nah, she's sick all down herself.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing. Did you like her enough to kiss her anyway?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, probably would have done you. No, no, of course I fucking would have done. I'm not that fucking bad.
Speaker 2:I don't think I like anyone enough for that Like no one.
Speaker 1:There is another part of the story, but I'm not telling it on the podcast. Yeah, yeah. Let's probably leave that one, but it's a yeah. But yeah, she's still one of my best friends, okay.
Speaker 2:So anyone that you've liked in your life enough at any one point and this is not like a, I'm talking about you it's probably going to be an infatuation thing as opposed to, like you know, real adult stuff. Were there any infatuations that you think you would have gone? I would still kiss them if they just vomited and I could see it on the clothes. Yeah, really, yeah, oh, I don't know. Does anyone exist?
Speaker 1:I think I've probably done it.
Speaker 2:Oh God, dude, that's, oh, that's making me feel a little queasy Even the thought of it. Oh Jesus, smika will go back to the ready break situation. The cat vomit. Do you remember the old ready break adverts with the?
Speaker 1:the glow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's making you feel like really, oh yeah, it's like always made me want to get it. I still get it right. That's how powerful advertising is, at least for me. Like when I pick up ready break, I look at it and go, yeah, because I think that's going to make me feel really warm as me and gloating up my head, Even though I know that's not going to happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but for me it was a judge to position because, like I'd see those adverts you know in the 80s is little, little kid and they, oh yeah, makes you feel like a woman. Then you, you get up for your sort of like autumn and winter school days and stuff, it's all dark and you think, oh great. And then I get this porridge and my mum would make it be so fucking stodgy. I'd be like, oh no, just like forcing it down before school. This is horrible. No, so, yeah, there's no. So now I can't have porridge if it's too stodgy. I've got to have it like slightly running, I've got to have sugar in it, otherwise I can't. Yeah, yeah, I've got sugar in it.
Speaker 2:So the only is like I don't know how about you, but I used to watch these like adverts and you see the kids sitting there in the morning or like smiley and the parents getting them breakfast, and every now and again they'd be finishing off homework Going. Oh yeah, mum, I've nearly done. Never experienced that in my entire life. One. The homework wouldn't have been done, or it would have been done like I would look like crap. So I'd have been doing it about five in the morning and trying to get it done because I didn't do it the day before or whatever, and like I just I don't think I ever ever had that scenario. The next time I ever existed. I used to watch her thinking, oh, that'd be nice. I'm like no.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't think we were from conventional families really. I mean, I was just like me and my mum.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then it was like, or me and my nan, or whatever, but that was it. But then obviously, yeah, I was often running late because my mum and because of me as well.
Speaker 2:But does anyone do that? Do you?
Speaker 1:think we didn't really sit. We didn't sit around. This is the other thing. We didn't sit around the kitchen table to have our breakfast because we couldn't, because my mum had a fucking part of clean washing on top of the table where she'd taken, she'd taken out from the tumble dryer and hadn't put away properly, so it was just on the fucking table. And I look back now and I'm like I think she had ADHD as well, because apparently it's her energy.
Speaker 2:But I had a conversation with my mum today and I was talking about this, and then Hang on, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1:Fuck that You've spoken to your mum today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was trying to make it sound really normal, did she? Was she like who's this? Hello, no, she answered very quickly though, I think, in case she missed it, but, like she, she sent me text when was the last time you spoke to her before today?
Speaker 1:I'm looking, I don't know. I wish people could see your face. Then you were literally like I, fucking clue.
Speaker 2:I must have been my birthday.
Speaker 1:Okay, 12th September.
Speaker 2:But then before that it was probably like June.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's November now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's alright. You know I was about to go. Alright. When was the last thing that spurred you off?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, well, funny enough. You would think nearly 10 years ago, because that's when she died, but actually it was about 11 and a half, because we hadn't spoken for a year and a half before she died.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, yeah, that was slightly awkward. Yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 1:I love how this has become a joke I've made on the podcast. I'm a mum guy. I must have come across like a right bastard. I'm genuinely not caused by that. I'm obviously quite sad about it, but it's just. You know, humor's my way of getting through.
Speaker 2:Well, look, honestly, I don't know if I've said this to you before, but something I've always said is like when I don't speak to people, sometimes I forget they exist, right. And like that happens to my parents, like sometimes I just forget they exist and then I read up and one of the symptoms is one of those things I was like oh, that makes so much sense because I've always done it. Like I have friends that I have from uni and I've just not spoken and I go, I think I spoke to them. When was it last? Oh, it was 15 years ago. Oh, that was a while.
Speaker 1:Like, not a clue.
Speaker 2:But I I and my mum sent me a text about a week ago, maybe two, and I meant to call her. I didn't. So then tonight I was like I had an hour between lessons, like I should probably call my mum, so I did.
Speaker 1:I'll have to say it later on Facebook, because we're friends on Facebook, aren't we?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but anyway, my mum, the point of the whole thing was.
Speaker 1:I was telling me some of the things that I was talking about.
Speaker 2:I was talking about all these kind of symptoms, and she said that she's always done the same thing. I was like, ah, thanks mum.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, it's nice and interesting Give me all that shit. But there you go.
Speaker 2:Therapy, therapy over. See you fucking next time.
Speaker 1:Therapy over. Yeah, Jesus Christ, I tell you, what should we? Should we crack on with the mode of the week?
Speaker 2:Let's do it, you go first.
Speaker 1:I go first. I don't know, don't matter.
Speaker 2:What do you want? I'll go first, my fill's imminent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, all right, cool. So here we go with this week's mode of the week. The week Got in one.
Speaker 2:What was it? So mine's quite specific to me, as in, like, I know it's probably me and oh hello, john's playing something else, he's bored away, sorry, I thought you just played them. Do, do, do. John's not listening, he's just playing a game in his face.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just look at that oh yeah, that's terrible, that mode of the week was awful this week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, whatever it's, because I've these little lights did it again. I've these little funny things. Stop playing with fucking phone.
Speaker 1:No, I was turning it off. I was trying to turn it off. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:That's really sad. Tell us about all the death you've experienced La, la, la la.
Speaker 2:Candy Crush. I'm so sorry. It's all right, yours comes on. I'm fucking getting. I'm getting the N64 out. Oh, everyone died. That's awful, so I. Yeah, it's a bit of a big victory to me because I have these funny little quirks when it comes to certain things.
Speaker 2:One of them is food and drink. Right, if someone takes like a bite of something or a sip of something, I can't touch it, I can't drink the bottle in the bottle. I'm a bit of a liar. I can't, I can't do it right. But there's this thing that people do and they seem to think it's normal and to me, like it. It sends me this like internal rage of like A. Why you ask me this? Because you should know that I wouldn't want this. Why would anyone ask this? This is ridiculous. I was about to have a bite of something. I'm about to eat something. I've just bought it. Oh, what have you got? One that annoys me anyway. People ask me what I've got regardless. Oh, it's a blah, blah, blah sandwich. Oh, can I have a bite? No, can you. What? Sorry, can I have a bite? Are you serious? The answer is quite obviously no. No, you can't have a bite. What a ridiculous thing to ask. I can ask you is that socially acceptable?
Speaker 1:Probably not, but then I think being around theatre, people and stuff that happens a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it happens a lot. What's? Wrong with them it annoys me, because then I look like the weirdo for looking at them like they're fucking awful or stupid. I'm like absolutely.
Speaker 1:It depends who it is. The one thing that does annoy me though you'll probably get this as well on similar vein is when you're out with your partner and they just won't. They say, no, I don't want anything, I get you some chips or whatever. No, I just have some of yours.
Speaker 2:No, you fucking won't.
Speaker 1:No, you won't. I want a whole portion of chips and that's what I'm going to order. If you want some chips, I'll buy you some chips and you can have as many yours, as little as you want, but don't knit mine.
Speaker 2:So when I worked at the coffee shop, this whole kind of have a bite thing also reared its ugly head, because I used to see people say and they're like, oh, do you want a coffee? No, no, should we just share a coffee. So I would say do you want an extra cup? No, we'll be fine. And my stomach would turn a bit. Share a coffee and I don't get that, so they're both drinking from the same coffee cup, and I'm sure everyone thinks this is normal.
Speaker 1:Was it two girls?
Speaker 2:Huh, there were two girls and there was one cup. One cup and there was a.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was a night.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, that video. Oh dude, it's crass. Honestly, there's a few videos in life that you get made to watch, and are we?
Speaker 1:tricked into watching. When you're younger and you're naive, you think oh, what's this Two? Girls one cup. What's that? Oh my fucking God. The other one blue waffles.
Speaker 2:I haven't seen, but don't ever, don't ever have a half.
Speaker 1:If anyone says do you want to sit? Don't ever, I can never, see that and the there's one man, one screwdriver.
Speaker 2:Imagine what it is.
Speaker 1:It's the, and then there's one, one man, one jar or something, and he puts a jam jar. I have seen that. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think you showed me that she had that subscription to that pawn site a gay pawn site.
Speaker 1:I used to run it. I used to run it. I Thought what I gotta find the use of this jar, what?
Speaker 2:can I do? Yeah, but no, I am. No, you're starting with that.
Speaker 1:One man one man, one, one jar thing, I cannot get my head oh no, the two girls. One cup is like.
Speaker 2:Worst thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 1:It's me in, but the jar thing. But not only does he put it up, he then breaks it inside himself and then takes my bit and it's like a fucking massacre. It's horrendous. Don't understand why you do that.
Speaker 2:No amount of money?
Speaker 1:no amount of money but that, but going back to the cycle, it's much easier exactly why bother, but the but, yeah, that whole thing.
Speaker 2:I don't understand the question can I have a bite? I don't understand when people just go, oh, we'll just share this sandwich, meaning they won't rip it in half. They'll bite a bit, then give it to the person they bite, bring it back, just tear it in half. Why? This is why I don't get ill. I don't share with people like I don't know, you can't touch the water. If I part, as in the past, saying I'll just get a couple bottles of water, I'll just share yours Only if you want me to drink all of it and leave you some. Well, no, because I don't want to have to carry it. Well, I will carry both bottles.
Speaker 1:My missus did that to me the other day, by the way. So we Her uncle came all the way down to Sears in Wales, right, they went out for dinner on the night. You got down here and whatever else, and then. So the next day I think I had a gig in the evening, so I'll go and meet him in the morning. So they went down to the seafront and I had to go later.
Speaker 1:I had to go and get a few things on the way, so I had to walk and try and catch them up. So when I got there they were already halfway around the fucking cliff so I could see them. But it was a fair old way. But I brought like a waterproof coat because it had been raining and I bought a little bottle of water Because I knew it was gonna be a bit of a water. Get there, I thought, just in case you know. So I get to them. They stopped by this point and other chat and stuff.
Speaker 1:We start walking around to the next bay and then my missus goes Because we're gonna walk back. Should we go over the top? Should go over the top of the cliffs, because there's like a path you can go up. This is fucking. I was already thinking about the journey back, thinking Jesus as a few inclines I can't if other. This is like mountain like, and I was like, oh, yeah, yes, yes, that's a great idea. I'm like wheezing, I was like going like the fucking cliff.
Speaker 1:She says to me oh, you know, because she does suffer with asthma and, fair enough, crying. But she's like can I have a sip of your drinks? I gave her the bottle, carried on walking, talking to her uncle, she gets the top and this is amazing golf course at the top. And I was like just looking at you know, guys, tea, and often so she hands in the bottle back like literally an inch left. I ain't touched in this one. I was like you're right if she's so laugh. And I was like you fuck, that's my water. So I don't have any water left then. But I mean, fair play, shouldn't need to live.
Speaker 2:But I was just like why would I potentially would have pushed her off the top About a moment. I'd be like are you taking the piss? But I can't do things like people that share, like mouthwash and like no, what would?
Speaker 1:you mean share what I didn't like? Spit it back in like a rainbow kiss.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't like.
Speaker 1:Times are odd. If you're putting worse my washing and spitting into partners.
Speaker 2:See, like the same little cup or the same bottle, like, oh fuck the car, no, no, no, no, don't get it. Okay, how much? How much would it? How much would you need? Or is there an amount of money to go? Two girls, one cup for you to join in that?
Speaker 1:Is there a lot of?
Speaker 2:money.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, but it's a fucking lot. I Just could you do it, though for the right amount?
Speaker 2:is a hundred million. No.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, oh, what's the lowest?
Speaker 2:amount money. What's the lowest amount money Tenor? 50 million 50 million, so you would pay them 50.
Speaker 1:I don't know, because If someone's there with a suit, mate, if someone's there with a suitcase, and they're like listen is five million pounds for you. All you got to do is eat a bit of shit.
Speaker 2:It'd be fucking me but it would. You have to throw it up again and go the whole thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, but but god, man, I don't know if you fuck. This is the worst ever so we've ever done. I know the title of this episode, called now, though, to kill.
Speaker 2:It's so disgusting, it's just playing.
Speaker 1:But you do it. It's minging, you get a bit of therapy and then you've got five million pounds.
Speaker 2:I mean you might need four and a half million a therapy.
Speaker 1:Would you do it I?
Speaker 2:Don't think I could. I think in theory I'd be like, yeah, that'd be great, I wouldn't do it for that.
Speaker 1:Come on, I said to you right one here's a hundred million pounds in cash, tax-free, in your bank account in the next two hours. All you got to do is this for 20 minutes. You be stupid, not 20 minutes. You've got to eat it. You want to get it out. Eat it. Throw it back up, eat it again. Smear all over your face.
Speaker 2:How do you remember it? I've heard you still watching it.
Speaker 1:I forgot in the phone. It back up until you said this is anyway I'm used to having stuff thrown off of me. Now, after last night, Jesus right.
Speaker 2:So that's my mode of the week two cats, one owner.
Speaker 1:Well, there we go. Fucking hell, show jobs after that one yeah.
Speaker 2:John, what's your mode of the week?
Speaker 1:mate fucking taming the mines, quite a thing, it else who's short? Yeah, the mines quite specific, so it won't be. It won't be something that everyone will identify with, but Unlike two girls, one cup, but it's when you're.
Speaker 1:And it's quite specific to like gigging as well. But when you're performing at a gig and you're singing giggity, giggity gig, there's some, there's, there's um, there seems to be this we we've all heard the concept in theater of the fourth wall. So yours, you're in a box and you're doing the show and there's obviously shows that break that, but there's the fourth wall of the Room isn't there, which is the Pesina March, but the audience can see through it and you pretend they're not there. And there's also etiquette. And if those people in gigs giggity, there's these random people who decide that mid song, like mid fucking phrase, mid, they come up and talk to you. They walk into your area of you, set up your speakers and stuff and they go like I don't know, you know, sorry, what, and you're trying to you sing in a song, like you admit you can't talk to them because you're on the mic.
Speaker 1:And then and so I had it in the night where they it's a nice thing they want me to do like three extra songs over the on-course I'd already done. They want to pay me like an extra money to do it. So the treasurer came up to me at this club and he went would you do three more for 20 quid or whatever was it? But I'm, I'm literally singing as he's saying it and I was like Whatever I was singing and I musta excited he's going what you do more? I said, but that's your bed at what? Oh, like that. And so I'm like I went, yeah, yeah, I do, yeah, fuck off.
Speaker 1:And so I did it and then like, so that happens a lot. And you're like you've got no concept of what's happening here, have you? So that rucking ears. And then the gig I did the other night was just a really, really lovely gig. But you have this guy who is the compare, who's sitting at this table with this radio mic. And the first two times it happened I didn't clock on what was going on, I just thought what is happening here? I'd start a song and I'd be about to sing the first fucking lyric and I did and I'd be like Singing go, what, what the fuck is wrong with my mind. And it was him. He kept. Like you know, like DJs talk over the start of a song, a disco, they're like oh it's the next one coming up, I'm gonna get yourself on the dance floor.
Speaker 1:Oh, he was doing that Over my songs, like so I'm singing and he's like getting everyone trying to get everyone dancing who are already dancing anyway. And he did it and then he started singing along with one of the. I was like we're not fucking out in Deku and you know we're not Robson and Jerome or something like fuck off, what are you doing? Like it was so off-putting and I was like gee, and they can see all like the people in the club looking around him going like what is he doing?
Speaker 1:Like cuz it's what's being involved in a just wants to be yeah Like if it's the intro of the song and I'm not seeing he goes yeah, come on, everyone get up these. He's doing well anyway. But it was like you know, you do the whole kind of thing and you're about to sing and the first two words you're saying he's like, but it's also, it's kind of your job to do that right, like he's not involved in it.
Speaker 2:Now You're on, and they were all up anyway.
Speaker 1:They were all up dancing. Anyway they were. It was a really great club. They're really responsive, it was brilliant. But yeah, yeah, I know it was a lovely club but fucking out there. So that's my great. It's like people who don't understand the concept of Performance. I've said this to my mate Ashley today about actual theater like Broadway and West End and stuff where you get this. It's this new kind of cult musical theater Stuff.
Speaker 1:We goes on where that is sort of the younger audience members that have ticked up Instagram lead and they've got these sort of like cult followers of the different actors and the shows and you know it's all like the younger team and stuff and that's great and there's, like you know, there's there's an argument for the fact that the reason those shows are there and people are in the important in those in that job Is because these people want to see it and everything else.
Speaker 1:But what noise is when you come on stage and that to comes on stage not me and whoever and they're back to the first line and everyone in the audience knows the show. These little groups of people. They've seen it a hundred times and then they scream and cheer. This stops the show because they have to wait for them to have their little moment with a screaming cheer. This particular actor or line or and it's like you know, other people here want to just see the show and it's not about you demonstrating that you are so involved in this. We know the actors, not all this sort of shit.
Speaker 1:And I know there's, like you know, my mate said to me quite you know, honestly said well, for example, beat or juice to musical over in America there was a performance I watched of that where beat or juice says his first line from behind a newspaper and then the whole screaming and they had to just wait. And that was the example I used and he said, yeah, beat or juice got taken off of Broadway and then it got brought back because of the cult status and they wanted it back. So those people were the reason it came back and then they were celebrating the fact it was back on. I said, yeah, fine. I said you know, there's certain musicals, like Rocky Horror Show, where it's accepted that interaction.
Speaker 1:But I'm a bit more old school.
Speaker 1:I'm just thinking, like you know, if you go and see something, like you know Les Mis, for example, and you know the first, we had it like when we did it in Paris, like we had that boom, boom, boom, boom, boom and like from behind the curtain, like the gauze and stuff, that the audience went, wow, massive, and it was, oh, this is quite, quite cool. But then they shut up and then, like you know if every time, like if I was on, what time I was like whoa, yeah, and then you get those people, that sort of know people in the show and they go, like I went and saw Kinky Boots, I think it was and the guy was about to start his solo and so I went go on, babe, do it, or whatever. I was like shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear that you want to fucking encourage the actor because it's not the actor. It's like it's supposed to be the character and it's like so that I mean it's very, as I say, very niche moment of the week but fucking irritates me that does.
Speaker 2:For me I'm with you on that because, like I have an issue with like generally with that fourth war being broken. For me I sometimes find it like, because they do on TV, don't they? Every now and again you get the odd shot. Someone will acknowledge the camera and talk to the camera. It has to be quite specific. It's why I kind of hated Deadpool Like.
Speaker 1:I don't like that.
Speaker 2:It annoys me. No, it annoyed me when he talked to the camera.
Speaker 1:I was like well, mine's just been blown. I love Deadpool.
Speaker 2:There could have been a smarter way of doing it. There was a smart way of doing that and then talking to the camera also. Then, like taking the piss out of the other actors that had played the parts, it took me out of it.
Speaker 1:I was like you must hate Alfie, then Slightly different, though, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Because Alfie is like he's talking to the camera like it's a friend, as opposed to like the cameras involved the entire time. It's like it's like there's someone else there, whereas opposed to when they just kind of every now and again, they just turn to the camera or they acknowledge it and give it a wink or jump.
Speaker 1:I think I know you don't like it, but I think it works in something like the office where there is a documentary it's supposed to be a documentary and they're talking to the interviewer, but they're aware of the awareness of the camera is there and that's what's funny that they're aware that there's a yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's different, though, because there is like an interview. But I hate in theatre. That's why I hate Panto. Most of the time it's that fucking talk to the oh no, you don't get my stage.
Speaker 2:Fucking annoys me. How many times have you been the part of the movie? How many times have you seen a Panto? They actually use that line oh no, you don't. Oh no, you haven't. Very rarely have I been in one where they've done that. It's just kind of classic line that people say to you he's behind you. Oh no, they don't, it doesn't happen.
Speaker 1:We did it last year, but we also. I find you get it more with the villain, don't you just love me? It's like no, oh, yes, you do, oh, no, we don't.
Speaker 2:That's. We get more of that, but he's behind you. Never, very rarely, you have to the ghost sequence, don't you?
Speaker 1:You get the yeah that's but yeah every year with the ghost sequence. I'm really excited that this year that hopefully I'll be in the ghost sequence, I don't know I'm really excited this year because I'm too far away to see you, panto. I tell you what that's a very good segue into something I wanted to talk about, which was loneliness. In your, in your 40s, do you think you get more lonely because you're not going to live on your own?
Speaker 1:when you in your 40s. I know it's probably relative to you if you've got, you know, a wife and three kids and all the family around all the time. Maybe not, but I yeah. I think, I think you do get more lonely in your middle age.
Speaker 2:I think? Yeah, I think there's. There's definitely an argument for it. It's different, isn't it, when you're younger, and we talked about this in the past a little bit, like you ask in the Friends episode, you're surrounded by people all the time. It's school, it's your friends knocking the door. Can you come out? It's you know. You're going out on weekends, you're going out to cinema. You're always trying to fit something in.
Speaker 1:Once you get a bit older a jar, yeah, a jar cups two cups. One cup, two cups screwdriver, all those things.
Speaker 2:It's never enough, is it? Now? You're always trying to fit stuff in. But when you get older and people get responsibilities. Your friends get responsibilities, even if you don't have the same ones. You don't have kids, they do. So you see them less and less. They move away because it's like oh, we're moving to fucking Edinburgh or something.
Speaker 1:OK, so you're like, but do you think that it's by design? Sometimes Because I think it was Tom Hardy came out and said the other day that he said that it's a dangerous thing to spend some time on your own, because then you suddenly start realizing the peace and quiet you get if you don't around other people. And I think you do start going, not your closest friends but other, it's just general people. You think I just rather just be on main as in, like well, I've always disliked people generally.
Speaker 2:I was not individually like.
Speaker 1:I've spent a lot of time.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, cool. But like as a rule, when I just see a lot of people I'm like, oh God, like the thought of going out now to a club down like a Saturday, Friday, Saturday night, queuing up, going in the pattern tight club For me.
Speaker 1:Now I'm just like, oh, I don't know, I'd have to have a lot of alcohol. Yeah, Everyone would be 20 years younger than you released. And it's like yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2:Well, we did it at holiday where you went in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we spoke about that Fucking hell. That was like yeah. Then we just tried to keep up with the kids and then got ourselves absolutely twatted off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because they actually started serving real alcohol as opposed to in the hotel when it was all.
Speaker 1:Well, that's a classic example, because we spoke about it. That night we went to this massive club and every time I'd go off to the toilet I kept it on my own. I just I'd take about five, ten minutes just standing on my own with a drink, just to have a bit of a break.
Speaker 2:I was like you do feel. You feel a bit out of it, don't you Like, because you're not connected. In the same way, I do think that, like you know, the whole FaceTime, skype, zoom, all the rest of it has probably helped people a lot in terms of like people who do fucking work.
Speaker 1:Connection Jesus.
Speaker 2:If it works. Yeah, I think COVID would have been horrific lockdown if we hadn't have had that access, like the FaceTime type access to people.
Speaker 1:You say that, but fuck me the quizzes. Jesus Christ, I mean every fucking with the quizzes.
Speaker 1:That's the thing as well, though that's what people didn't get and I've said this before, I think but For those of us that are still working, that weren't furloughed, and working on teams and zoom meetings all fucking day- yeah, yeah, of course so then get on the fucking quiz in the evening on zoom was just like the last thing you want to do and they're fun to begin with, but then they were just a bit like Right, because I make you remember, like because it feels like it never happened ever. When it first died, everyone's all like had this, like in it together, feel like, okay, right, this, let's put on entertainment on the internet and you know, and let's do this. And then, after about you know a few months and the second lockdown, everyone's like fuck this, because the weather was better outside and was like fuck this shit.
Speaker 2:Can't be honest, yeah, I can't be bothered.
Speaker 1:Another fucking quiz. Our friends did one. They did, it was a great one. They really they really did it really well. But After a while I couldn't face being on zoom.
Speaker 2:Where was longer and longer, and it's great.
Speaker 1:And then there was new people that came in that were friends and friends and they were sort of like Quite prominent and it was all bit like I can't say and I can literally been sitting on zoom all day having meets and after meeting, after meeting, for hours and then you just think I just want to switch the screen off and just actually not washed but the same time, like is it?
Speaker 2:I guess for us it's kind of easy as well, for you more so. It's easy to say, but like, if you have a partner in the house and you don't, I guess you didn't have that as much need for that connection through the screen necessarily. Like I had, like I'll tell you something I glad I did, I had, like I was so grateful for my cat, and that time I think one of the things I think, if I didn't have Monty Would I get more?
Speaker 2:lonely I think I probably would and I don't have the same, the same access to people that I did before yeah, it's slightly different. I work in a very social kind of working to me working the theatre, but generally day to day. I know for that just having another heartbeat, that makes a huge difference fuck, yeah, I mean I live in where I live now.
Speaker 1:it's like three and a half, four hours away from most of my friends and my missus works like a hell of a lot of hours or so all over the place and long, and sometimes you want to go until two, three in the morning, should be gone for like 1213 1415 hours a day and like it was the same when we live where. Live before she was like commuting up into London is like two hours each way and stuff. So without the cats I would be the same. But you know, I'm like, you know, so you could have little conversations with them and you know, dressed them up as other characters and the series friends and friends in a. But you're gonna talk about that, about Matthew Perry going minute.
Speaker 2:Oh god, yeah, yeah yeah, that's really sad man, can I man, that's really sad. Like he was a. I guess that's our thing, isn't it? I mean, in this subject they saw what they put, talking to you in this way, and it's all about London in this way, but it's any big city. You can be living in a city of millions of people and be really lonely because you don't have those connections. And he was Essentially like love by the entire world but always felt alone, didn't he in that? In the because of the way that he felt about himself and it felt about what he had to do and stuff.
Speaker 1:But you had loads of friends. Do you ever find that now because you get an order? I watched these, these series on TV that we grew up with, like Frasier friends only falls and all says all stuff, and like so many of the actors and characters in now dead and passed away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just makes you feel like fucking. Now, that was my sort of like, that was my reality, that those people are there, the current they were, and that you know, look at, like only falls and all says you got like trigger boy. See, uncle Albert grand, that all those people, they're all gone now. And then you look at Frasier like the dads passed away.
Speaker 2:I think, I think it makes sense.
Speaker 1:One of the other ones is passed away as well. Recently I can't remember it was. And then you know, obviously your friends know, matthew Perry's gone, gunther's gone, all this.
Speaker 2:It will start to go and they will be like life, but it's just like what the fuck. My mom used to talk about actors like that. She was like I can't believe blah blah blah just died, and you know they were famous actors but it weren't for me. They were doing films 20, 30 years before. I said I was watching the films but they weren't present. The same is going to happen to us now, like the, the, the film stars of our kind of youth and growing up, or science.
Speaker 1:Well, the music stars have all gone pretty much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Think of all the people like Michael Jackson, tina Turner, george Michael Prince, like all these people that we can go on and on and on like that. You know, they just carry glitter carry, he's not dead.
Speaker 2:No, it's not.
Speaker 1:Scat man. Is he still around? I've watched a video.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what was my dimension of P?
Speaker 1:Defile every episode Did you watch that. I'm beginning to think you're into the fucking van club. What's that?
Speaker 2:Did you watch the Jimmy Savile thing? I haven't watched it.
Speaker 1:No, I haven't watched it yet. No, supposed to have. I have watched a few. The other day I had a little bit of a what's the called spree no, not a spree Flurry on on YouTube of watching some Jimmy Savile stuff, because I saw this video come up on like a Instagram thing.
Speaker 2:And it was sent me a fucking sinister.
Speaker 1:He was in this hospital back in the 70s, I think it was, and there's this kid lying like completely horizontal in his bed and he's got his face blurred. Actually, you can't see him. It's only a young kid, yeah. And he's like now. Then he said what, why would you draw him a picture of me like this? And that, literally, this kid has drawn this. What did I ever do to you? What I ever do, yeah. And before you get, you said you know, this is supposed to be me. Why would you draw? And this, this picture was like literally of a devil. It had like fangs and horrible eyes pointing at you. He said what, what did I ever do to you? And you put the microphone to him.
Speaker 1:The kid just went everything and I was like what? And he went yeah, that's what you're missing out on being a husband. And he was gleeful in it and it really affected me. I was like that's fucking. That's like that's something you'd write in like a horror movie film or something, yeah. So I started looking into other stuff and trying to look at all the footage again of you know, there's that one where he's presenting on top of the Popsis and this girl's like proper. It's like he's doing something to her on camera and like how the fuck did everyone get away with that? And they all knew just a lot of people knew about it.
Speaker 2:I just don't want to say anything. Did they like people like at the top? You know they don't want to say anything.
Speaker 1:It's not that deep into that conversation because it's not.
Speaker 2:No, no, but I was going to go back to what we were saying. Do you know, I think in all honesty, apart from the odd moment, I felt lonelier in my late teens and twenties at times than I would now I'm, so I'm used to that.
Speaker 1:That's when it peaks, they said. There was a thing in the Guardian that said about like your loneliness peaks. This is national statistics office for national statistics. They say that you're lonely. This peaks in your twenties and then again in your forties.
Speaker 2:So the 40s, I haven't really felt it as much, but I do think a lot of that's down to the job that I do, that we do as well, and so, and obviously, having the pets, but when I was in my 20s, for sure, because like you're so used to being around people, I was so used to being around everyone.
Speaker 2:But I think that then when I wasn't, I really noticed it. I was like, oh, there's no one in, oh, and the silence. So I'd feel it like I watched a lot of films and I watched like TV, but every now and again it wasn't often, but I did notice it. I remember sometimes just feeling like, oh, by my side, a uni, I used to try and go out six days a week, like I literally went out drinking the club six days a week On your own.
Speaker 1:I just didn't want to sit there on my own.
Speaker 2:No, I was just. I'd like three groups of friends that I would go out with because I needed. Not everyone wants to go out every night, so yeah, yeah, well, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:that's the thing, though. When you're in your 20s, like you go into college, you're going to stuff, you've seen people every day and you've got your friends. But when you get to like this age, like I'm lucky, you're lucky, we've got some really great friends, but everyone's got their own stuff going on, like they've got kids, they've got their own worries.
Speaker 1:They've got you know this, that and the other jobs and you don't live near each other anymore and actually, like I've been through a few things recently and stuff, and you do kind of like you don't realize you're doing it. You do these little kind of crying for help, so these little kind of like I'm struggling and people don't pick up on it because they've got their own stuff going on and it's not because they don't give a shit, it's just because they're.
Speaker 1:and then you start feeling like you know, who do I turn to, Sort of thing, you know, but it's that's the thing.
Speaker 2:But sometimes it is just that perception that there's no one there, whereas if you actually were, if you were in trouble, you actually said it, I think you'd find a lot of people would come out and be like oh, shit, yeah, yeah, yeah Not always, but I do think there is a. I think more people. Probably, people would come from places you wouldn't expect as well and they would help you. That's the thing that social media is actually really good for Cause.
Speaker 1:a few times in my life that I've been through really shit stuff, like when mum passed away and now passed away, especially Facebook. These people come out of the woodwork and they haven't spoke to you for years. That have been so like not just like saying sorry for your loss, they actually offer like physical help. They go right. You know, like my ex at the time, I remember when, like my mum passed away, she was like, you know, straight on there, like you know, oh hello If you need. She didn't say that, she's like there's a cat.
Speaker 2:That's good to say. Well, that's different yeah.
Speaker 1:So I just looked down and there's all three cats here. I was like oh hello, my mum died.
Speaker 2:Everyone just went oh hello, but no she was straight on there going like if you need a lift, you can do it, and I was just like whoa, you don't have to do that sort of thing, but that's really good.
Speaker 1:But fuck me, this, this, this pod, has gone very serious All of a sudden. It has, isn't it? It's all right, we got the jokes out at the beginning. So good, but yeah, so loneliness advice Don't be lonely.
Speaker 2:Here we go. Sorry, oh, is he vomiting.
Speaker 1:No, but he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's vomiting. No, but he's getting into the literature. It's right down here and he doesn't have the best.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, oh, does he run afterwards? He's sprinting around.
Speaker 1:No, no, he doesn't. But I just know it's not going to be, it's not going to be rough yeah. Well, he's on this funny food. So it's nice kind of like. You know, like if you go to like a dodgy chip shop and you get that kind of like greeny looking curry sauce. It's like that.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, that's making me feel sick. Maybe, maybe that's where it comes from. Maybe that's what's going on. Two girls.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fun when you have to clean it. It's nice. Two girls, one curry sauce, at least the other one who had the projectile of shit up the fucking wall. He's now got solid poo again, so that was good. And then little little bubs has always had the best little poos. I love his poos when you have to clean it you have to clean his little tray.
Speaker 1:You just like it's like a neat little wee and he's little putting like oh, he's a little legend, and he covers it over properly. He's like, oh, he's so good. These two, I think, maybe you need.
Speaker 2:You need a friend, John.
Speaker 1:These two the other two are like fucking two girls and one cup in everywhere.
Speaker 2:Oh, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what a nightmare. Oh, here we go. Oh, no, is it?
Speaker 2:gonna stink. It's gonna fucking reek in it. That's gonna stink. I really want it to explode into your face right now. That'll be amazing.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you what, though, I don't want to tell you either, but that's actually like a much better consistency now. It's more like a Mr Whippy now.
Speaker 2:Oh good, oh good, nice. I more like the video.
Speaker 1:The video before is like that runny curry sauce has turned into a Mr Whippy, so that's pretty good. I mean, it's literally like can you? Hear him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is gonna turn people's stomach, isn't it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, this episode is probably not gonna go in, is it? Wanna bite the editing is gonna be an interesting one on this one. What can I keep in here?
Speaker 2:Right, we've got to the end, john. We've got one more thing for people. It's you again, because I'm rubbing Stinks.
Speaker 1:Fucking old one.
Speaker 2:That's honestly man I'm gonna be John, but it looks like. Yeah, you need to get your COVID mask, you know there's egg bombs that people use to have at school.
Speaker 1:It's exactly like that.
Speaker 2:Oh my God Poor little boy Like a ammonia, isn't it Pure ammonia? That might be a good point to end this episode.
Speaker 1:We started off with two girls, one cup, and now I'm like literally Two cats one little shit.
Speaker 2:No, I wish there was one little shit. John are you gonna give us a pearl of wisdom? Are you gonna give us a pearl?
Speaker 1:of wisdom. I'll try. I'm gippin' a little bit at the moment. I wish we had one litter tray. You've got four of the fuckers. Jesus, it's like a non-stop thing.
Speaker 2:It's all I do. You've got three cats. It's all I do. Is that for you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, if I can't make it up the stairs at night. I just think, oh, fuck it Straight in there, oh man. Wouldn't that be funny to do that one night, though, like, literally just like, take a shit in the downstairs litter tray and then, when Nara gets up and goes, like oh, fuck it. Oh, she'll see the size of this shit the cats have done, the size of this fucking dirt the cats have done. Which one's that?
Speaker 2:Oh my God, that'd be amazing. Please do that. Oh my God, oh, that'd be so funny.
Speaker 1:Could you keep?
Speaker 2:a straight face as she was cleaning. But what, as she was cleaning it up?
Speaker 1:Mind you, bob did one the other day. Was like 13 inches long or something Ridiculous.
Speaker 2:Fuck it up, no 13 centimeters, not inches.
Speaker 1:That's ridiculous, 13 cents.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's just, I can't remember anyway.
Speaker 1:Why am I still talking about my cats? Shit.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know, oh my God, I don't know, right, john?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:End of the podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You can watch the moment of the week Perlewism. Give us a Perlewism.
Speaker 1:Okay, hang on, john Perlewism Perlewism, give me the intro again.
Speaker 2:Hi, john, end of the episode. Give us a Perlewism.
Speaker 1:MUSIC. A pelican's wing only flaps once MUSIC LAUGHS. So there you go. You're welcome. So there you go. See you next week.
Speaker 2:Fucking hell.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll take that one away guys, I'm off to clean up some shit from a litter tray now and put it into a cup.
Speaker 2:Bleh Ah.
Speaker 1:Ah, mr Whippy.
Speaker 2:LAUGHS Fucking hell. Serve it as a hot chocolate to her. Never fucking lonely, oh, otherwise she comes in yeah exactly.
Speaker 1:I never lonely here with these fuckers. Jesus Christ, I've got time to be lonely.
Speaker 2:Put it onto the pillow like a little treat. Laughs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, merry, just before I go off to Panto, merry Christmas LAUGHS.
Speaker 2:Merry, fuck, I'll leave it somewhere. Leave it somewhere that you can't quite find one that really stinks. Just leave it in a cupboard somewhere.
Speaker 1:Fucking hell. What have we become?
Speaker 2:Right, see you later. Right, see you next time. Bye, funky rechts.