40+ ...and minuses
Do you straddle middle-age, with one foot in the past, one foot in the future and the present smacking you between the legs??
You do? Well, join the club!!
Each week, old mates; Jonathan Alden & Juan Miralles (and their Cats!) nostalgically cling on to their youth, reluctantly glimpse at old age, and banter their way through the irritations of their now middle-age life.
Introducing the hilarious and relatable comedy podcast that celebrates the trials and tribulations of being in that over 40 zone!
Welcome to 40+ ...and minuses!!
40+ ...and minuses
S3 E01: And we're back!!
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Jonathan Alden and Juan Miralles (and the Cats) are back with a new season of the hilarious and relatable podcast that celebrates the trials and tribulations of being in that 40+ zone of life!
As always the lads will be strad ling the wild ride of middle-age, juggling nostalgia for the past and trepidation for the future, all while hoping the present doesn't catch them off guard!
So, grab a drink, cozy up with your fur babies, and share the laughter, camaraderie, and a few sagging truths await.
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Henley Regatta Experience and Technology Struggles
Speaker 2We're on , we're on .
Speaker 1We're back the time has come .
Speaker 2The time is now the time . Well , the time is now , and about four or five weeks ago as well , If we weren't so much working so rubbish with technology .
Speaker 1I tell you what . Before we get into it , we better explain , for anyone who's new to all this , what the hell's going on . Sure ? So this is 40 plus and minus his podcast . My name is Jonathan Olden and this is Juan Marais . Hello , hello , and we started this podcast back in . Where was it ? March 2022 , april 2022 ?
Speaker 223. , 23 . 23 . We're not that .
Speaker 1And it's basically just a little look at the pluses and minuses of being in your 40s , with Juan and I are in our 40s . We know each other for 20 odd years . Season one we had a little look at a list of 40 things you should have done by the time you're 40 . And yeah , and then in season two , we sort of had a look at different things that affect us , different subjects that might affect some craggy old 40 old bastards yeah , 40 , something that you're old , I should say . And we had a few moans of the week and a few little features . And then we took a summer break , didn't we , juan ? We did . We were going to come back with a brand new , sparkly podcast on video guests and new features some kind of format .
Speaker 2We really tried .
Speaker 1We did really try . We've tried so many times to do this fucking video and it's just like technology has absolutely evaded us . We've signed up to zoom , we've signed up to something called Riverside , and the money we've tried to spend doing it and then it's just never worked .
Speaker 2No , it's just , it's the delaying that it's like . It's just like it's like a second , second half delay , which is kind of all right if you're having a chat with someone , but when you're trying to bounce off each other and make jokes , it was the driest , crappiest episode I think we've ever done . It was just like nothing , nothing , oh yeah , and then the other person talks over and then again , and then again , utter rubbish .
Speaker 1I don't think that the technology could take our stunning good looks . It just kind of it kind of froze , and went , aww , that's what it was . We've never seen two guys as gorgeous as this .
Speaker 2I mean , it's just that . It's that Brad Pitt and his younger days like , oh my God , what do we do ? And they just got a bit scared .
Speaker 1So what we thought was stick to what you know , stick to what you know . And also a lot of our listeners both said to us no , a lot of the guys that listen to us listen on the move , like in a van or walking dogs or whatever , and so they're not going to be watching our videos anyway .
Speaker 2Well , actually we'll probably do them a favor , because we don't want to kill people by the so interested in our videos , you know exactly and we can .
Speaker 1Also we're going to do . We'll do some video stuff for social media and whatever .
Speaker 2But anyway , without further ado , season three season three there was a point a couple , a few weeks , or was like . Are we going to make a season three Because this video is ?
Speaker 1not going well . No , no , no . I mean we , how many , honestly ? We've recorded season three , episode one , four times , maybe more . We've attempted , and each one was different . Yeah , we've not . We've not sort of like , we're not good at taking stuff .
Speaker 2We've actually , we've actually recorded it . I think we've got four episodes out of it . We don't , obviously , but we have got four recordings , but we , I think we attempted it a few more times and we just couldn't get to work at all .
Speaker 1It's terrible , wasn't it ? That's what happened .
Speaker 2We need a 20 year old to sort the technology out , so we can see what you're always can actually use it , but yeah anyway .
Speaker 1so it's been what July we finished .
Speaker 2Yeah , july , I think it was July . Third , it keeps popping up .
Speaker 1I listened to episode 10 again recently , like today or yesterday , and I was telling a story about a gig I did and I was like fucking , I remember that gig . That was ages ago . So there we go . Anyway , what I want to know is hot off the press now we're back is what ? How was Henley ? What happened ?
Speaker 2Oh , mate Henley , Did you love it . What the time of my life Did you wear a boater ? Hat A boater . I wore three . It was amazing , I can honestly say .
Speaker 1For those of you that don't know , before you carry on . One sorry is episode 10 . One let us know that his , his partner , lovingly invited him along to Henley regatta , which is right up for one street Not , and he was thrilled about going , the prospect of going under the guise of this .
Speaker 2This was the conversation , but you said you'd love to go to Henley . I was like when have I ever said that about anything ? I don't remember anything .
Speaker 1That's fucking true .
Speaker 2I would love to , other than winning the lottery , is . We know that's about . That's about all . I said I would love to do that and I certainly wouldn't say like that . So , no , I pointed out the fact that I said I would do it , you know , which was different , obviously , but the original version of Henley wasn't what actually happened , you know , it was a lot more involved . By the time I got there , anyway , how was Henley ? Well , we got to the . We got to where we're supposed to be , which was like , you know , henley , yeah , we did this little I don't know speedboat thing with champagne when I don't drink . So that was a waste of fucking time .
Speaker 1Speed , hang on . I saw the video of this some speedboat thing with champagne . It's quite a swanky boat with like this .
Speaker 2It's quite a swanky boat but like you know , drinking you just look around the guy cool Like it was cold , so I just sat there going I'm cold , and then Do not have your woolly hat on . Yeah , I did , yeah , I had to borrow , like Lizzie's , like shawl as well , to put around me because I was like I did , I did I did it shamelessly , because I was like these guys , once you've had a few drinks , as you know , you don't feel anything , anyway .
Speaker 2So I was like , oh , it's fantastic . And then the talk like turn to fashion , which obviously I have a keen interest in . So it was . It was basically I just let them talk and they're all lovely . It's not what they do with them . I let them talk and I just , you know , sat there and was in then like we saw a load of the boat races . No , we didn't did either .
Speaker 1Oh , boat races . I thought you said boy racers then .
Speaker 2So no , we didn't watch any of the races apart from the final one . We didn't sit in the banks of the river , like we were going to do , and have a picnic , and they were drinks , so we just basically sat in a tent and had a few drinks and chatting about fashion .
Speaker 1In my experience I'm hanging was very different . I didn't know that there were . There were actually boat races , very ignorant and there's only since you've said it , because my , my misses was had a couple of . She got commissioned to do a like an art installation thing there for one , for one of these stands and I actually say stands actually was evolving , the person they got they want to like music stands , like purple ones at different on these blue , on these plinths at different levels with , and then on each one there was like different music or different words . It meant some sort of told us story .
Speaker 1Anyway it was quite a very simplistic but very effective , and so she did that . So I went along with her and we we'd sort of helped set that up , and then we went and got some drinks and then we just sat down and watched Jesse J in concert . That was it . I was like , was it right ?
Speaker 2See , I see , I tell you what I felt when I was there for real . I , just as soon as I got there , I was like I don't fit in here . I just immediately knew I was like I don't fit in here at any level .
Speaker 1That's like me and Super Dry . I don't fit in here all the clothes .
Speaker 2The champagne was flowing , the conversation about shit was going on . I was like God .
Speaker 1I'm just so scared . Tell me you weren't having this small talk that you hate Honestly . I know everyone's been really nice .
Speaker 2I know everyone's really nice , but when people talk to me they don't know what else to say , obviously , other than so . How's the acting going ? I'm like sitting next to you in a fucking boat and Henley and I can't afford the champagne . That's how well it's going .
Speaker 1Johnny Holly sticks . I said Holly sticks .
Speaker 2I saw the people you were with .
Speaker 1They look pretty cool . They look kind of , you know , on trend with it , you know .
Speaker 2Well they are , and they're really nice people . They are on trend . I'm so off-trend I'm probably coming back around again and probably in fashion again from about 50 years . I don't know .
Speaker 1No , but we are , though , because the 90s is back in . I sort of I get that fashion .
Speaker 2I don't think I did the 90s very well when I was in them , so I'm not sure I was a fat kid . I was doing whatever fitted .
Speaker 1Whatever , I wasn't there . We were the flip reverser in the 90s . We did this podcast then and we'd be the opposite way around , because I was doing all the sports , I was slim , I was constantly active , I was playing sports .
Speaker 2I was just out of breath . Yeah , well , I can identify with that .
Speaker 1We'll come to that in a bit . Speaking of which , I've had a real 40s moment this week , well , last three weeks actually . So you know we talked before .
Speaker 2we've been listening before we talk about things that change and you know you said have you got any aches and pains ? Now I was like , yeah , well , you know , not really , but only from exercise , because I don't even know . Yeah , benjamin Button , I remember , yeah , so I'm not sure , I'm not sure , I'm not sure I remember
Injuries, Weight Loss, and Life Updates
Speaker 2.
Speaker 2Yeah . So I went to a kickboxing class and I was like again , I was jumping around like I was a fucking legend and I was winning , and I was like point , point , point , this is great . And everyone's like , oh , he's so fast . I was like , yeah , I started thinking my hamstring feels a little bit tight . It never does . I was not tight , just like tired . I was like never feels that . I was like I'll be all right .
Speaker 2Anyway , at the end of the class I put my foot down on the floor , often like you know , just a little bit stretching , do a few kicks my foot . I was like what's that in my knee ? Like I don't know how I did it . I don't know how I did it , I don't know when I did it , but I strained the ligaments in my knee to the point where I could barely walk out of the kickboxing class . I had to ice it . Three weeks later I still can't go back and it's only just recovering . I was like that's how you know you're getting old . I've had an injury that I don't even remember doing . I don't remember doing it .
Speaker 1There's been time in the last three years where I've actually pulled my back , put my socks on I'm not even joking or I've literally gone to like open the door and get a utensil out of the door and gone oh fuck , I'm going to get a new one . I'm going to get a utensil out of the door and gone oh fuck , I'm going to get on my back , but I've started doing this football on a Tuesday night , so it's called man vs Football . Well , no , it's called man vs Fat . It's called the overall thing .
Speaker 2It's called man vs Football .
Speaker 1Is this something you started in the summer ? I started it after we finished the season two . Do you know ?
Speaker 2why this is ? It's because I think we've slightly mentioned it in one of the other incarnations of this particular pod . I was thinking , yeah , we have .
Speaker 1I've mentioned this when we recorded one of the four attempts , but um , but yes , I started it and it's basically it's seven aside every Tuesday night and you play against other teams . But before you play you have to go and weigh in and if you lose weight you gain like half a goal for your team and if you've done your track in , that's like another half a goal . And then if you hit a set of milestones , you get hatchets , you get three goals , all sorts of stuff . But if you put on weight and go over your starting weight , so if you can get an own goal and all this stuff , so there's a score on the pitch and then there's a score on the scales and then there's an overall score and obviously the overall score wins that match .
Speaker 2So it can be like 35-22 ?
Speaker 1Yeah you can win , like you can win 4-1 on the pitch , but lose like 15-9 or something on the on the because of the scales , and that happens quite a bit . But it's um . But it's good though , because you're sort of like you're , you're spurred on , you know , by your teammates and stuff and like it's , so it's really good . But then if you've had a week where you haven't , you know , you haven't quite done it .
Speaker 1It's a fucking horrible feeling . You go , you turn that guy and I'll fucking let him down . Let him down , you know , and recently , which we'll get on to I've had a very , very stressful couple of months , very , very stressful , and so I've been . So I've actually lost weight , you know , consistently for the first few weeks and then the last couple of weeks I've I haven't , but I haven't put on that much of stuff , I just haven't lost . And then I've also then had a couple of weeks about to miss and stuff . And but the reason I'm talking about it is because a couple of the well , two or three of the lads now listen to the podcast or the back catalog off , and that's a little bit of listening in hopefully I do the game and everything's fine .
Speaker 1And I had two weeks ago , three weeks ago , I had a game where I had about two or three I play in defense , really , but in that team but I got into almost like in a midfield position they have a shot , I have a shot . So I had a good , some pretty , you know good shots outside . They didn't go in or anything , but they were powerful . That's better that way .
Speaker 1But just from doing that . The next day , my knee oh my God , the fucking pain in it . And then last week I played the game . I came home I stood in the kitchen talking to Mrs and I suddenly just went oh my God , what's wrong with you . You just collapsed . I was like no , I know . I said I keep it's . My knee keeps giving way . I don't even know what's happening and I'm like but then I'm thinking about it , my weight going through my knees . Apparently your weight through your knees is like 10 times your weight or something when you're running .
Speaker 2Yeah , apparently fast bowlers , it's 10 times their weight goes through their brace like a cricket . That's madness .
Speaker 1You don't want to be big , let's be honest , I'm 21 stone , that's 210 stone going through my knees my 43 year old crappy knee which were fucked as a kid . Anyway , I played so much football as a kid that my knees were screwed anyway . I've told that story before about having loose ligaments and they all took a piss at me . But like honestly so anyway , but it's , but I'm enjoying it , because cricket was a wash out this season Didn't happen . There's so many rains off days .
Speaker 1And there's good , yeah , so I think I played like twice or three times Weird that in a while doesn't it Shit every time I played . And you know , in the times I did play , my best mate was there and he was a dickhead , as always . So , yeah , so that was fun , but yeah , so it's good that you've joined us . They won Welcome .
Speaker 2Well , it's healing . I'm doing rehab on it . It's actually getting a lot better . It's all good , it's healing , I'll get there . I'll be back , yeah .
Speaker 1Okay , oh , mate . So what else ? What else has been going on for you since July , then , apart from going to the gym and doing spings ? We all know you do that .
Speaker 2I did . I started working full time . Every fucking episode it's in every episode I've listened to . Oh yeah , because I teach spin and go to the gym . That's my life , that's what I do , it's all our lives , now as well .
Speaker 1Huh , it's all our fucking lives as well , mate . Yeah , I know .
Speaker 2Yeah , enjoy .
Speaker 1What have I ?
Speaker 2done . This summer I didn't go on holiday , that was a planned dinner , so that was good .
Speaker 1No , we didn't go on holiday . We should have gone on holiday together , but we didn't .
Speaker 2I know I keep looking at holidays like as if by looking at them , somehow someone's gonna send me a ticket .
Speaker 1It is difficult , though , when you're high flying , successful people . It's very hard to find time .
Speaker 2It's hard to get away from all the businesses that I run . Yeah , I tell I did realise this summer . Really , really , I need someone to just sort my life out , to look after me . I can't do it . Yeah , you do . I turn around and I look at the flat and I go why is no one cleaned up ? It's fucking me in it .
Speaker 1It's fucking me . You need a Mrs Danfire .
Speaker 2Oh , mate , honestly , I just want someone to come in , hello , dear , and just be like oh , I know exactly where all this goes . I'm gonna make it look perfect . Here you go , and it's exactly how you would want it . Great , thank
Cleaning, Work, and Cat Adoption
Speaker 2you . Because I look around and go shit , I've got to do this and then I need to set it as a task . Go right , you've got one hour to get it all done , including putting the dinner on and including like blah , blah , blah . And I've got right , let's go and it becomes a fucking mission , like it's a task and I do it like I'm in Crystal Maze or something .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm the same , and then I do it like bam , bam , bam , bam , bam bam and like , yes , I've achieved it , it's all clean , dinner's done , everything's amazing . Now I've got to go to work Fucking shatter . But it's all right , I keep going and then it just happens again , slowly , goes the same way over the next week , and then I set myself another task to clean up the following week .
Speaker 1Well , I heard there was a technique that somebody said that you're supposed to just like do a room or an area a day and that's it . So , like on a Monday you do like your kitchen , and on Tuesday and if , by doing that , you constantly keep a reasonably tidy house , because I'm the same as you I leave it all and then I have to do it all in about an hour or something .
Speaker 2Even if I've got five hours , I'll still wait probably four hours , but where's the fun in that ?
Speaker 1though there isn't fun in it , it's just the only way to get a fucking ass to do anything , but that's what I don't like as well . Hey , do you want to hear about my day today ? Go for it . Oh , mate , you'd be . So I was in for one of my rare shifts at the farm I work at and for those of you who haven't listened before , this is a farm that has self-catering cottages , horse riding and activities and stuff and I just help out , sort of do a part time , maybe once a week or something off his job there , but I also help with whatever else is needed activities and stuff Fill in for whatever animals are missing at the time .
Speaker 1Yeah , I might do like a lead walk where you sort of sit a kid on a horse and you walk him along and they walk back in .
Speaker 2Yeah , they sit on your shoulders .
Speaker 1Not too dissimilar to a donkey ride , really , would you say .
Speaker 2If the animals are missing , they just jump on your shoulders Like yeah , yeah , exactly .
Speaker 1Today you're going to ride a mammoth .
Speaker 2This is John . We don't know what he is , but get on his back anyway .
Speaker 1Yeah right yeah , anyway , so going . Today I have a phone call and our stable manager is a good mate of mine . She suffers really badly with migraines , to the point that we've got a printed sheets at work of what to do when it happens , because she's that severe , like she'd go . You know , it's like I've seen it . I've seen it happen . It's pretty scary . She's like you know , some people get migraines , but she's gone .
Speaker 2And Is any of it like ? Just get on with it no , no , no , no , man up relax .
Speaker 1But her man rang in and said oh , you know , she's really unwell , so she wasn't coming in . So I called the rest of the stable team that weren't in and said any chance ? No , no , no , no . So I was like I'm going to have to do it . So this is it , because you only have one girl in Gabby . And so I was like right , that's it .
Speaker 1So I've spent half the day in the office trying to catch up on anything that was going on in the office , which was very hard to do . The rest of the time I was fucking feeding pigs , feeding sheep . I took a whole lesson on my own . I called introduction to ponies . I'm like oh my God , that's his head , there's his tail , he's got four feet . They went how old is it ? I went 18 . I think she is 18 . I was like I don't know . And they went what is it ? It's a Welsh pony . That it's a Welsh pony . And then I had to take the kid on the back of a horse on my own , often fucking across a commons , somewhere , like with the parents , like . But I was just like . I was like okay , so make sure you sit up straight and make sure that you walk on completely .
Speaker 2That can't be . I mean , surely you're not insured to do that ?
Speaker 1No , I am . No , I am because I wasn't teaching horse . I'm down there as an instructor for activities anyway . So that level , that level because all it is is like the horse is tied up and they sort of groom it with like brushes , hair brushes , main brushes , fur , and then they go on a lead walk , which I do all the time . So no , I am insured and I've DBS and everything else , but normally I've got one of the other instructors there because as a thank you it's only like a small pony , I think .
Speaker 1And then I'm down in the arena with the other instructor because he got two horses down there and she's like , yeah , we're doing walking and stopping , and then they start to trot in , but then you have to run the horse around with them . So I started to get me running around this fucking massive arena with this massive horse and I'm going like , fuck it . I mean I love animals but I don't . You know horses I'm getting used to . But I am thinking , have you seen me ? I'm like , but actually I wasn't . That I breathed . She was worse than me . She's only 23 or 21 or something . What ?
Speaker 2the horse .
Speaker 1But you know , yeah , no , the instructor . But I was just like , what the fuck am I doing ? So I spent all day doing that and I was two hours late leaving work . Nice , I was like , oh God , hilarious . But anyway , there we go .
Speaker 2Is that my day to air ? This reminds me of this , reminds me of like that . Don't trust the people . Don't trust anyone when you go to shops or go to any of these events . Don't trust that that's the person to speak to . I used to work in home base , right , and I was 16 . Now anyone who knows me knows I have zero skill when it comes to DIY and zero like yeah , you mentioned that I just don't .
Speaker 2I don't enjoy it , I'm shit at it . I'm happy to be shit at it . I worked in home base I think I'm gonna have a total of this one and people used to come up and ask me about like paint and shit .
Speaker 2And I was supposed to be one of the like the so-called experts , because I've done some five minute course and I had a fucking clue . So I used to go it's just around here . I'd go run around the corner quickly , look at the back of the paint or the tar , whatever it was , read it down really quickly , instructions there's telling the instructions back and they'd go great . Thanks , mate . I'm like yeah , no worries , not a fucking clue .
Speaker 1Nothing .
Speaker 2I'd know I'd so little knowledge . The most I could do by the time I left that was mix paint . That's because you basically just looked in there and went one milliliter of this , three millilitres of this , and press like , put the lid on , press , start , and it mixed it for you . That was it . That was my entire skill . That came out of about two years of working at home base .
Speaker 1I saw a video the other day of somebody doing that by hand but like I think it was like maybe in like India or somewhere , and they took him like this car and had this little metallic sort of racing green color to it . A bit of stuff in it and he went all these little bits and I mixed it up and went boom , exactly . I was like fucking hell , that was like incredible .
Speaker 2It is incredible I could do that at home , base on our 16 . Yeah , yeah , gosh good .
Speaker 1So , yeah , other things that are new since we've last recorded . So , as you may know , if you've listened to this podcast religiously that Juan has a lovely cat called Monty I do , and I have a lovely cat called Bubbs and they're on our imagery and stuff and it's great . We've since got two more cats and so we were thinking , right , we got this little indoor cat , he's lovely . Another one came up and we were okay , we could do another one . Maybe let's go and have a look and see . We're just , you know .
Speaker 2Well , your exact words were , if I jump in , there were we're gonna have a look at a rescue cat . But you know , we're not necessarily gonna get it , we're just thinking , we're just gonna have a look . You know Well you basically needed .
Speaker 1You know I needed fostering and stuff anyway . But I thought , okay , well , we can look and see if we can help wherever . So we go all the way over to Swindon to see this cat and we walk in this room . He's in with these three other cats , two of which are hiding under the bed , so we didn't see them , and then this other little cat's just let's start there . And I was like , and he was so cute and so needy and so like I just need love , and I thought he was so scrawny and I just went , oh no , so I bonded . I instantly bonded with him , like about 30 seconds , and I was thinking , oh God , I don't know if I maybe should take that one instead , and I felt a bit bad . And then my Mrs goes , we could just take the both . I was like , okay . So we ended up taking both and they're absolutely gorgeous .
Speaker 1But two weeks we've only had in what ? Eight or nine weeks now , two weeks into having them , all these underlying health things we didn't know about which just came to light , and the last eight or nine weeks they have been in and out of that slight overnight stays like illnesses . Both of them are now with specialists that are two hours away in different medications They've had , they're still ongoing , all these pills , medications one of them had a feeding tube in for a while and the money , the money that they've cost in insurance , in vet's fees , is like we're talking like thousands . Thankfully the insurance has just come through on it . They said no initially and we were like what I'm going to have to sell a kidney , but then , as it turned out , the insurance popped through and they're going to hopefully cover it Well .
Speaker 2Luckily though , the podcast is making thousands , so we're both pretty much there .
Speaker 1Well , that's why I wasn't worried .
Speaker 2Oh , yeah , exactly .
Speaker 1So it , oh , I was speaking of which , holy shit , I was literally about to say . So if you hear a little meow at some point tonight , there you go . This will be , this will be a little be , a little Arthur who comes to tell me that he needs food or everything , and he's just as I was about to say it on Q there is . So , yeah , but they're lovely . But it's been quite a journey and it's almost giving me an insight to kids that we don't have yet . But when ?
Speaker 2when else we have the feeding ?
Speaker 1tubing and we have to do four , is it eight ? Four hourly feed . So I had to feed him at half midnight , half one in the morning , half eight in the morning , so on . I was sleeping down on the sofa getting out . Doing that I was like this is what it's like in it , this is what it's like but but yeah , so nice one from complete dog person in three years to a full on full , fully fledged cat dad .
Speaker 2Yeah you've got , you've , you've changed , you've gone full circle .
Speaker 1Yeah , and I'm like I'm not even nice . We so nervous the cats and unsure and stuff , and now I'm just like you know .
Speaker 2Yeah , you were like that with a little bit with Monty right .
Speaker 1Yeah , and then fight me , I still take it personally when Monty scratches me or bites me sometimes . You take surprise ?
Speaker 2Yeah , they're only playing in no , no , I'm like what are you ? Doing . Oh yeah , sorry yeah .
Speaker 1But yeah , so that's , that's been fun . Anyway , I tell you what we need to do , because we've planned out this brand new format . Anyway , we need to do one of our old classic features from season two and then a bit of season one . What don't miss a cop , don't miss a cough . Yeah , we're using .
Speaker 2Yeah , the cough's gone . Amazing , it was fucking months ago the cough's gone , yeah , but it lasted for a whole season . I didn't last in about three , four episodes .
Speaker 1And then yeah , for the list of the editor . You know , whatever , Whatever Monty about fucking editing .
Speaker 2I'm gonna fucking . I'm gonna get a cough now Fuck it . I'm gonna hang around all the kids with coughs .
Speaker 1Yeah , well , you probably will . You don't go to the doctor . You have any flu jab this year .
Speaker 2Shut up with flu . Jab Kidding are you .
Speaker 1Are you you ?
Speaker 2get a flu jab .
Speaker 1I have it every year .
Speaker 2Why .
Speaker 1To protect me against the flu .
Speaker 2Yeah , but like 70 years old .
Speaker 1No , but we used to get . When you go on tours and stuff , you get them , don't you ? The company get them for you and stuff .
Speaker 2I do , I'm out of leads .
Speaker 1That's why your hair's falling out .
Speaker 2That's true , the hair couldn't take it . This guy , this guy's fucking rock solid .
Speaker 1I'm convinced every time they give me an injection , they can just inflate a bit more air into me .
Speaker 2Because if I put weight on for this injection , that's just good .
Speaker 1I tell you what , before we move on to that feature , I was listening to a bit of season one and we're talking about all the things we haven't done this last year . I've just gone , fucking like reverted back to all the old shit . I'm fucking . I still haven't lost anyway . I'm still not getting fucking money , I'm getting fucking work . I'm sitting there going what the fuck is going on in my life . I'm doing what I can do . I can get by and do stuff . You just get shafted left , right and centre . I told you lottery . Anyway , talking about that , that's not the feature we're doing , but we can do this feature , which is the moment of the week . Go on then , juan . What is your moment of the week ? My first Season three episode one .
Gym Equipment Placement and Communication Frustrations
Speaker 2So I don't know if I've mentioned this , john , but I work at a gym . Fuck off , do you ? Yeah , yeah , seriously , yeah , I know you wouldn't know , would you ? Maybe I'll tell you more about it . But yeah , it's not specific to the gym , but this one came up out of the gym , but you might as well mention it anyway , I'll mention it anyway .
Speaker 1Not specific to the gym , I'll just drop it in there . So I was at the Butchers .
Speaker 2This is a person out of the gym and we basically have to . There's a piece of equipment that's just been brought into the gym that is in the morning Only one .
Speaker 2That's a shit gym . I know it's fucking awful . It's just a big room . Everyone looks at each other and say why are we still fat ? I don't know , maybe there's a cake stand behind you . So I'm here , I'm in a cafe , so it's yeah .
Speaker 2So there's a piece of equipment in the gym . It's in the way , right , properly in the way , because we haven't figured out where to put it yet . So when they just when the company that come in , they just basically put it in a place we can't move it . And it's proper . Everyone's like when are you going to move this ? It's taking up loads of space for , like the stretching area . And you know , we feel like , yeah , we need to move it . You're right , isn't working there . So we called the company . They're coming to collect and sort it out . Yeah , so I'm sitting on the reception desk and someone comes up to start to tell me oh , that piece of equipment , like it's really in the way . And I was like yes , I know we've discussed it . It's definitely moving . It's going to be next week of the week after they come in to pick it up . It's like great , because . And I was like I thought I'd just address this .
Speaker 2Right and I had that three times that morning and then a lot since . My moment of the week is if someone has resolved the issue , don't carry on telling them your fucking problem because it's resolved , just because you feel like they need to get it out . Go tell your friend Buy to sit there and listen to the same fucking story three times and three different people . Worst thing is this guy had already said he said it to every member of stuff and had the same response from every member of stuff , but he still felt the need to tell me about it . I looked and I was like I know you've said this already and part of me just I just want to throw this fucking computer at you . I was like I had to sit there and nod my head . Yeah .
Speaker 1Why You've asked me something . I've told you that I know about it and I'm dealing with it or it's being dealt with . And then it's like I have those calls sometimes that the job I do , and they bring up and say something . You go and you tell them all the information you know and then you get to a point . You say so , as I say that that's all I know at the moment . But I'm going to have to now refer this onto the other person because they're not until tomorrow , friday or whatever , they'll be able to then do this , this and this and I'll get back to you . Yeah , because you never know . And I'm like , yeah , but as I said , I can't , that's as much as I can , and they just won't get off the phone . You're like I had
Horse Riding Booking and Traffic Regulations
Speaker 1one today .
Speaker 1She rang up . She was like looking to do horse riding for my two year old tomorrow . You got any space ? I can't do anything . I said well , it's all booked online . You need to book on . Are you registered ? Yeah , yeah , I'm not at home . No , so I went okay , well , I can try and add it on . I said , but it's not coming up . Anyway , I says I'll need to ring someone else . Okay , but it's his birthday tomorrow , so just want to get stuff organized .
Speaker 2I was like if it's your birthday tomorrow , what the fuck are you ringing up today ? Then ?
Speaker 1Yeah , You're a fucking dickhead Anyway but she ran back again and then it's the same thing again , I , was like , as I said , I haven't spoken to the person yet because you know , a few people aren't in today , but I will do and I will call you back and say but I think it's because of this that you're not seeing it . But I said I need to check , okay , if you can , because it's his birthday .
Speaker 2Is it ? Is it his birthday ?
Speaker 1No , and behold , it was what I thought it was . And I rang her back and told her she's like okay , so there's nothing you can do then , because it is his birthday , so that again .
Speaker 2I'm there , I can kill you , but that , but why ? I don't understand it . What is it ? It's obviously a thing . It's people's thing . And the thing is , on the same day this older gentleman was leaving the gym and asked me the same question and I said yeah , we know it's same , same response . I was like yeah , we know , we've called up the gym company . They're coming to move it , hopefully next week , because I can see it's the way he went . Oh well , great , at least it's getting resolved and walked out .
Speaker 2I was like , oh my God , thank you so much . Yeah , Thank you so much .
Speaker 1Honestly , these people what they're trying to do is they're trying to get freebies or money off or something .
Speaker 2Oh , he's telling me . I've been at this gym for 20 years . You know we are , we're always been , members here , and you know it's just , I've been in this conversation for 20 years .
Speaker 1That's what I was thinking .
Speaker 2I was like I thought I was living Groundhog Day , not the funny bits , just like fuck you know it goes into the same thing where you're listening to somebody and you've got their point . Yeah .
Speaker 1And you try to interject to say okay and they just they have to finish what they have to . It's like no , I know you can say that , yeah , but can you , can you please just let me speak , can you please let me finish ? I'm like , yeah , come on then . So they finish in like , okay , yeah , so , as I was saying , I've already got this like fucking 10 minutes ago .
Speaker 2Yeah , but no , no , no , I need to say my feet , but you can even mention what they're going to say . They can even go , oh yeah . You mean ? You mean the I don't know , you mean the tennis racket . So yeah , can I just finish ? So blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah blah , blah , blah .
Speaker 1The tennis they've rehearsed it . They've rehearsed yeah .
Speaker 2I'm like the ten , so it is the tennis racket . Yeah , I was fucking five minutes in my life . I'm never going to get back . What the fuck .
Speaker 1Come on , jesus .
Speaker 2Christ , I'm not a young anymore . Like I need these five minutes you know , a couple of weeks ago , if it , you know , I could have saved money that I could have been stretching in those five minutes and maybe I wouldn't have hurt money . But yes , that's my mode of the week People having to complete shit , that , even though it's already been resolved , don't tell me . Just stop and say thank you . If I don't do it , come back and tell me afterwards . Fine , by all means .
Speaker 1Yeah , there's something they're saying that you haven't actually addressed or you've missed , and they go no , thank you for that . But there's also this other bit , which is why I'm saying it , because actually I know you're going to do something about it , but my kid ran into it the other day and he's now dead .
Speaker 2So and I'd say what a fucking idiot . Not anymore .
Speaker 1But to put it that way , the one you have next won't , because we'll move it .
Speaker 2Someone offered to move it . You know they went . Well , I can just move it . This guy was being a bit of a bravado and I was like you can't . He was like no , I'll move it over , where do you want it ? I was like mate , it weighs about 130 kilos . Like I said it took four of us . I was looking , he was smaller than me . I was like you can't move it .
Speaker 2And he looked genuinely like a bit put out by us . Like what are you talking about ? You cannot move this machine , yeah , but anyway , there you go . So , john , give me a moment of the week . What's yours ?
Speaker 1Well , as you know , juan , I live in Wales now and the Welsh , the Welsh Assembly government , in their infinite wisdom , recently decided to make all well , mostly all 30 mile an hour speed limit zones , now 20 miles an hour , and some of the reasons they give for here there's a little frequently asked questions on their on their helpful website . Why did you introduce the 20 mile an hour speed limit on residential roads and busy possession streets across Wales ? Well , the evidence from around the world is very clear . Around the world . What do you want to make ? How could you can't compare , like you know , or central India , like Delhi , or something , to swan , to Swansea , or Cardiff or wherever . I mean you can't . It's like , it's ridiculous because anyway , whatever , different roads , different things .
Speed Limit Changes
Speaker 1So decreasing speeds will reduce collisions , save lives and reduce injuries , helping to improve the quality of life and make our streets and local community safer for all . And it's like , since there'll be 40% fewer collisions , six to 10 lives saves , bothered , and is that a year ?
Speaker 2Yeah ?
Speaker 1Six to 10 lives for those six to 10 people .
Speaker 2It's not great , but let's be honest , you probably shouldn't . You probably drunk and walked out on the road , but like six to 10 . Yeah , if it said like even 60 to 100 , I'd go yeah , but I don't know , of course saving lives . Saving lives whatever fine , go for it .
Speaker 1But like then , it says make your streets safer for playing , walking and cycling . Why are you playing the street ? Why are you playing the street nowadays ? We're not in 1954 . 1942 . What fucking fuck off . And then also making it safer for walking and cycling . They've got designated fucking lanes and walking places . And then the other one is why is it not just outside schools ? Because it's trying to protect the children on their whole journey home . Have you seen these fuckers walking home ? They literally there's a pedestrian crossing and they're fucking 50 yards away from it running into the street . I was like , save the money on all the fucking signage and build railings on the side of the road and stop the fucking gate up , because the problem with it is is these fuckers were already driving slow enough in Wales .
Speaker 1Now they drive 20 miles an hour in every fucking speed limit . So we go from a 20 to a 40 , they still drive a fucking 20 .
Speaker 2That's happening around here as well , and it's like what are you fucking doing ?
Speaker 1Honestly , you know , I fucking annoyed .
Speaker 2I get things I am apoplectic in the car nowadays I'm like I'm doing exactly the same thing in my car , but I tell you I don't understand right . 20 miles an hour is ridiculous . It's so difficult to drive .
Speaker 1Anyone who's got a driving job bus drivers , taxi drivers , delivery drivers are going out there fucking mind the most .
Speaker 2So it's like almost impossible . I mean , you've got cyclists going past you at like 25 miles an hour . I'm like this is absolutely ridiculous . Why is ?
Speaker 1there . A cyclist in a country In really built up areas fine , If it's like really congested streets and you know like central London places and stuff like that , it don't have 20 miles an hour , doesn't feel that slow . But when you're more like rural , kind of like , the population of Wales is less than the population of London .
Speaker 2And some of these places are so fucking rural .
Speaker 1there's no one there and it's like what ? Like you're going up into the valleys or in this 20 mile an hour road , like these hills and stuff , maybe crawling up there , you can't . It's like what are you doing ?
Speaker 2There's big . There's big roads , like big roads around here . It's fairly like suburban here , like going out towards country like Surrey , and yeah , this is stuck in 20 miles an hour on like just just one big section of the road . No fucking reason . 30 , 20 , 30 , 20 , 40 , 30 , 20 , all on the same stretch of road . What's that about ?
Speaker 1But it's all . It's the wording of this . The introduction of the 20 mile an hour speed limit costs 32 million pounds . The cost is like , weighed by the casualty prevention savings , including the reduced impact on NHS and emergency services . One study , one study , not all of them . One study estimates estimates the savings could be up to 92 million pounds a year . Fucking bullshit , what are you ?
Speaker 2talking about . I figure that if six to 10 people dying a year on the roads , right , yeah , how does that equate to 92 million , if that's how much people are worth six to 10 people ? So let's say it's 10 people , they're worth 9.2 million pounds .
Speaker 1Yeah , but they're also saying that they're going to save 12 to 2000 people avoiding injury as well , which is quite a significant amount . But I'm not against trying to make the road safer for everyone . But the people are going to drive like absolute assholes anyway and drive over the speed limit stupidly . They're going to do that anyway , regardless of the super 20 miles an hour . Everyone else is going to get ready to drive over the speed limit . Most of them do anyway . Everyone's getting really frustrated about it and also it's causing so much stop-start and congestion . And then these people and a lot of it is older people as well they're so terrified they're going to get it wrong . They just drive 20 miles an hour everywhere 15 , that's why I'm driving 15 .
Speaker 1I'll go 20 miles an hour for these two roads , but when we get into a 40 or a 50 , fucking drive to the speed limit because we've all got somebody to get to it does my fucking head in the fucking cyclist .
Speaker 2Between that , the cyclist , the fucking mate . I honestly , part of me is thinking when this car , when the lease runs out on this car , do I just fucking let it go , because I can't ?
Speaker 1be asked to fucking drive it . Yeah , it's mad .
Speaker 2Well , that guess . That's what they want , isn't it ? They want everyone to fucking stop .
Speaker 1They do , they want everyone to start and then we can all be in like the driverless cars and all going on public transport and making controllers even more , but you know do you understand that If it wasn't about money , if it was really about safety .
Speaker 2You know what they do they put limiters in every . Why does your car go up to 140 miles an hour If you maximum you can ever drive is 70. ?
Speaker 1Yeah , you just put a limit . By the way , I've just realised that I might not even be talking to you after that video we watched .
Speaker 2Why .
Speaker 1That AI video where now they can get three seconds of your voice . So now you don't pictorial and video evidence in terms of law is now obsolete , really , because they can fake everything now . So voices and things . So until we actually can do this podcast in person , you could be fucking anyone . It could be anyone , yeah .
Speaker 2Like I mean , if I'm not hilarious , then worry that it's not me . Oh shit , I know , thankfully , thankfully . It's like comedy . What have you done with him ?
Speaker 1Where is he ? Yeah , but yeah , it's crazy . It's a new world . I said to you the other day , I watched a bit of Bats of the Future and I got properly reminiscent about the pre-social media , pre-internet , pre-mobile phone days . I was like we were lucky to have experienced that , I know .
Speaker 2I really appreciate it and they foresaw a future , that . But obviously they didn't see social media , of course they didn't . So people were actually talking to each other , whereas , like now , if that was the real , not even 2015 , like now , you know , you'd look at it and to know what it would even be talking , would it ? It would be well , like is the film ?
Speaker 1be a lot more boring , wouldn't it ?
Speaker 2It wouldn't
Discussing Cyberbullying, Podcast Plans, and OnlyFans
Speaker 2bother . Yeah , Be cyberbullying .
Speaker 1Mental man , absolutely mental , yeah , so that's our Mone of the Weeks . Back with the vengeance . Yeah , 20 mile an hour zones and people who don't fucking listen and have to mone even though you've resolved what they want to be talking about .
Speaker 2People have to mone on our Mone of the Week .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , the listeners like yeah , fucking knew what you were talking about fucking 10 minutes ago .
Speaker 2Yeah , as soon as you start like oh , this one , and we should explain it for another 10 minutes each . But anyway , we're back . That's the main thing .
Speaker 1We're back , we've got some new episodes to listen to , and this time we're going to do some like proper social media and anyway , if you're listening to this , please share this with your friends , please tell them about us . Put the word out there , because podcast platforms don't do that . It just sits there .
Speaker 2They don't know , they might almost obey them apparently .
Speaker 1We've got a nice little amount of loyal , regular listeners .
Speaker 2What we did out until we got offered for three months .
Speaker 1Yeah , no , but we have like in all seriousness we have , but we obviously want to get out there even more and stuff and we're having really nice responses . We're also going to start , or attempt to start , a Patreon , so we can do some extra features and get some money , yeah .
Speaker 2So we can get a little studio , so we can do this more regularly .
Speaker 1Yeah , get a studio , get a producer , and then what we're going to do is do some .
Speaker 2We have merch that currently only we have , but it's there I'm wearing the T-shirt .
Speaker 1I'm sitting on the T-shirt , but .
Speaker 2I am drinking from the mug . I have the mug . 40 plus or minus is mug , yeah , and it is really effective on video .
Speaker 1But now we're back .
Speaker 2Yeah , your video . This looked great . You guys should have seen it .
Speaker 1We were legends .
Speaker 2But we could just be describing anything . I could be wearing a bikini and telling you I'm wearing the T-shirt .
Speaker 1You might be , but your AI is making you wear a silly hat and jumper .
Speaker 2Well , that's what's going on . I'm actually sitting here naked like surrounded by naked girls , but thankfully AI has just put me here in the podcast .
Speaker 1I don't know why I tell these stories on this podcast , but I'm going to do it . I got in from work tonight , obviously two hours late home from work . The Mrs is gone , she's working , she's going back to visit her mom tonight , so I got these cats .
Speaker 1Two of them have got a splotch of diarrhea at the moment because they're not very well and they're all got pills . So I come in after doing meds through all this one meds for that one . One of them goes and has his diarrhea . Fine , clean it up in the literature . The other one is proper , explosive . It keeps doing it like into literature . He goes up the fucking wall on the fucking floor . Oh God , it's like a Jackson Pollock , fucking pictures , ridiculous .
Speaker 1So I thought , right , I've done everything . Brilliant . I went upstairs . I thought , before I eat and do anything , I need to have a shower . It's a stink of horses , everything else , I thought brilliant . So I went upstairs no one else here , all the curtains are shut .
Speaker 1I thought , right , I just took off all my clothes . What a lovely image , listener . Took off all my clothes . If you can imagine a Christmas ham , a bit like that , with a bit more hair , no , joking . But I took off all my clothes , had my towel came down and I noticed that the curtains were still open in the living room . I thought I'll just pop in there to draw the curtains . And in here we've got a liturgy . And I turned the light on and fuck me , it was like someone had been to the fucking what's that one they used to do on the children's TV . So fucking do the slime and stuff , all the crinkly bottom . Anyway , he'd shut in the little tray up against the front , on the side , up the back , over on the floor on the wall . I was like , fuck , it's not a salt glass . He's been on this paint killer which is causing . We stopped it as of yesterday , two days ago , hopefully you'll get better now .
Speaker 1But I thought , okay , fine , so I cleaned it up . So , bearing in mind I'm doing this naked now , right , so I'm cleaning it all up . Got it all up , cleaned it all up , we've got the antibacterial wipes and everything else , but I still have everything in the litter tray which I then need to take through , and we've actually got litter that you can put down the toilet and stuff . So I'll take it into the bathroom and do that . But as I go through there's a wall and then there's a narrow gap between that and the sofa , so the tub , the original cat is sitting right in the corner of the sofa , so to squeeze by him , I have to sort of tuck myself in , and by doing that the litter tray touches against my stomach and I missed a bit of shit and I had fucking cat shit all over my fucking stomach .
Speaker 1Oh , can life get any fucking lower than this ? So I'm a 43 year old , fat , naked man with cat shit on his belly . I was like I thought I got to quite a few loads recently in the last few weeks , but that was it . I see it in it . I can't really get much lower than that . My Mr said can you imagine if the doorbell went in that point . You just gone off , fuck it and open the door like hi yeah .
Speaker 2That's it .
Speaker 1Fully naked . Oh mate , what a joke .
Speaker 2See I was worried about do you ever get this ? When , like obviously you get out of the shower and the cats there so you've got three of them at one and before you get things on , like obviously cats like you know they play with like fucking toys and everything I go what Shut up and they kind of like the cat , the monster has tried to swipe my legs , like , say , are you going to feed me ? One day he came so close , so close to swiping somewhere that would have really hurt . I was like you little fucker .
Speaker 1So I'm doing it . I'm like underwear on .
Speaker 2What's that ? Your knees , my knees . Yeah , exactly , I said underwear on , but I started wearing it I was like what if he just fucking jumps for it ? That's just gonna hurt so fucking much .
Speaker 1Listen , if you walk in the system wrapping a pink feather around the end of it , you've got no one to blame but yourself .
Speaker 2And that little bell .
Speaker 1What's that about , did you ?
Speaker 2My only fans . It's called pink feather penis . Look it up .
Speaker 1I think , if the Mrs ever sees sense and leaves me , which is probably not far away , I think I'm going to start on my own cycle . Lonely Fats , lonely Fats , lonely Fats , lonely Fats , I tell you .
Speaker 2You should do that If you ever do like in this situation . If you are going to like , right , I'm going to leave , that's it . Or she could do the same thing . Just because the cats are the way they are , just shit up the wall and walking . Know that she's going to clean it up .
Speaker 1No , you send the message . Don't tell them you leave it and say good news , alfie's poo solid again . It looks really great . I've left in the literature for you to see and it's a massive turn that you've left in there with a note stuck in it . Goodbye , see you later , thanks . Thanks for the room . Look at her .
Speaker 2But um , oh nice , you'd have to shit on a pillow wouldn't you ? You'd have to put it in the pillowcase . You didn't know where it was .
Speaker 1You said this before you know . You said this on an episode before about shit in the pillowcase . You're missing . I'm going to be like fucking getting into bed again .
Speaker 2I'm talking about new fans right .
Speaker 1Talking about new fans , I've had quite a few conversations recently with people . In this current climate we're in , with the cost of living , everyone's like just this fucking only fans , because you think about it , these fucking people night , these you know youngsters are getting on there and they're only fucking thousands , if not millions .
Speaker 2I think the key was in the first word .
Speaker 1you said that these youngsters yeah , but there's a niche of it . People go there and sell pictures of their feet .
Speaker 2If anyone buys a picture of my feet , they've got issues .
Speaker 1But I'm thinking , you know , I can maybe be attracted to the bear market for the games .
Speaker 2Well , we've had that discussion that way . I listened to that podcast . You tried that one .
Speaker 1I know I want to try again . I said that to my missus . I said I'm sure there would be people out there who want to have only fans for bears and stuff . But then again I went to that bear night and no one gave me a fucking sniff . That's the thing .
Speaker 2These are funny things that you do think like I'm going to go to these clubs and like what am I going to do ? As if you're like walking on like a fucking road like everyone's always after you and you go to a gay bar and you're like , yeah shit , I'm not attractive . I'm not attractive to either sec this is .
Speaker 1I mean , I don't normally like as I've got as a moulder when I if I go to a gay bar stuff , I don't , I don't worry about it in the , because it was like a specific bear night and I'm fit in that category I thought , okay , I've got to be ready for a bit of attention tonight , you know . You know I've just sort of play it .
Speaker 2You know , play yourself fucking nothing .
Speaker 1When I was the first ever gay bar I went to , when this is back in the nineties I went in there and I did have that naive kind of like oh my God , you know what's going to happen . And that first guy that came up to you . He went oh hello , I went oh yeah . He went you're not gay , are you ? I went , no little did he know .
Speaker 2No , I'm joking , I thought it was the toilet .
Speaker 1So that was that , but yeah , so it's good fun , and on that night gay bears would catch it on their belly .
Speaker 2I've seen it . That is a niche , fucking . That's a niche . Only fun to count , yeah . Yeah , two bears , one cat , yeah .
Speaker 1Maybe that should be the pearl of wisdom . If the bear wears , catch it to get in the shower . Are we still doing that pearl of wisdom thing ? I don't know .
Speaker 2If we're going to do it , let's start the next one .
Speaker 1I found them funny , but they're also a bit random . Yeah , we'll do it in the next one . Yeah .
Speaker 2We'll maybe put it in the polluter vote . We'll see what it is and think Me and you , it's probably going to be 50-50 .
Speaker 1Anyway , I'm going to go and smear my shit up the walls . See you next week . See you next week .
Speaker 2See you next week .