S2 EP08: Becoming Parents after 40!

Weight loss bets can lead to unforgettable memories, like Jon's Mankini adventure during our holiday in Portugal. Imagine his embarrassment when a family walked in just as he was about to leave the indoor pool! But that's not all we're discussing this week - we're also exploring life lessons, family relationships, and even the idea of becoming parents in our 40s.

We share our experiences with donating blood for the first time and the surprising rewards that come with it. Delving into family dynamics, we discuss the impact our upbringing has had on our lives and our decisions about parenthood. From the pros and cons of having kids later in life to the importance of recognizing effort and hard work, we cover it all.

Join us for a thought-provoking conversation filled with laughter and memories, as we touch on the challenges of being a dad later in life and the problem with participation awards. We wrap up the episode with some parenting wisdom and a healthy dose of humor - don't miss out on this entertaining discussion!

Please rate and share this episode if you enjoyed it. This really helps us grow the pod!

If you have any questions for us, please email: 40plusandminuses@gmail.com

Follow us at the following @40plus_and_minuses_podcast

Chapters

• 0:13 Party Rings and Weight Loss Bets
• 10:12 Donating Blood and Random Chatter
• 14:32 Ready Meal Packaging and Disabled Parking
• 26:57 Becoming a Parent in Your 40s
• 31:36 Father Figure's Purpose Search
• 35:55 Fatherhood and Age
• 46:42 The Problem With Participation Awards
• 53:39 Pearl of Wisdom

Transcript

Jonathan 0:13

We're back from outer space. Well, i say there's always Juan, but if you listen to us on Spotify, you might be surprised to hear my voice.

Juan 0:23

I still can't get it. I've refreshed it a few times and like come on Spotify, it can't be that hard. I've listened to the same joke over and again from me. It wasn't that funny first time around.

Jonathan 0:33

It's mad. We've contacted Buzzsprout, who hosts our podcast, and said look, what can we do? And they said, oh, you have to change the title of your episode So it pulls it through.

Juan 0:42

Yeah, it does. I wish it has done that now.

Jonathan 0:43

But yeah, my stepdad and my friend Emma and a few other people are like. all we can hear is Juan . I was like, yeah, I know, because I realised 10 minutes after we released it that it was wrong and I changed it and updated on everything else, but not on Spotify. Thanks, Spotify. It could be worse, though, if you think about it, because it could have been your voice. That's true. That's true. Lucky, lucky listeners.

Juan 1:04

Yeah, they got the funny side. They're starting to realize.

Jonathan 1:06

You know what it is, though? It's because that we, when we first launched this podcast, we actually went through Spotify's own app thing called anchor, and then we switched to Buzzspray, and then they're still annoyed.

Juan 1:16

They haven't got angry because they know we're going to be massive. They know we're going to be the next Joe. Rogan and they just they're worried, they've lost it.

Jonathan 1:22

I already am massive, so that's maybe why they cut me out.

Juan 1:24

Oh, that'd be it.

Jonathan 1:25

Yeah, now the reason, the reason it was is like because you had that like crackle on your mic last week.

Juan 1:32

And I was fucking crackle.

Jonathan 1:34

You don't have to fucking edit it.

Juan 1:35

That's why it's late, shandy. That's why it's late, oh shandy, oh shandy. No, but again thanks, cheers. You know, body's a temple job.

Jonathan 1:44

Has that got Bill Sykes' dog on it?

Juan 1:46

I don't think it is specifically, but yeah, it has bull's eye, bull's eye, bull's eye, it does yeah a little American bull. No, it can't be that kind of Oh Bill, do you?

Jonathan 1:56

love me, coulsard to a Livshwit yet I love that film.

Jonathan 2:02

Yes, great, i love that film. Hey, here's a blast of the past week. I'm going to hold something out to the camera now. Obviously they'll listen to it. We won't be able to see this just yet, but So I've just held up a packet of Fox's party rings and there's a story behind this. So back in the summer of 69, 2003, me and Juan training hard, keeping our calories in check Oh yeah, we ate lost bets, all that stuff, oh stuff. And Juan had been out to work and I was crashing at his house and he came in and there's me with an empty packet of party rings in front of me and he's like what are you doing? What are you doing? I was like, what? So it's been eating healthy? I was like, yeah, i know, but look at these, i can't believe it. I found them 56 calories for the whole pack. And you pick them up and you're like that's per two biscuits. I was like, oh fuck, i think that's per biscuit. Eh No, it's per two biscuits.

Juan 2:49

What's it per two?

Jonathan 2:50

And I'd eat in a lot 20 biscuits.

Juan 2:56

You're like yeah, i thought it was too good to be true.

Jonathan 3:00

It was like 500 and something calories instead of the 56 I thought I got away with. I was like I don't worry, I didn't win my weight loss bet. That week We'll go for a run and burn it off. I might have been chuffing the duff week, Who knows Oh chuffing the duff.

Juan 3:13

My favorite weight loss bet of all time is definitely when we went on holiday. It's just the mankeene one. The mankeene, oh mate, That was amazing. It was like a scene from like a comedy sketch show Free will it Free Other than that bit.

Juan 3:29

So me and John obviously had this as we talked. We had these weight loss bets and this. We thought let's make it. We really want to be in shape. We're going to hold it. We're going to hold it with our partners at the time And John's still with his partner. I'm not So imagine I never was with John's partner. You never were with him.

Jonathan 3:49

So they tell me, so they tell me.

Juan 3:51

Well, you know secrets, mi5. So we, yeah, so we, yes, we had this bet anyway, and like I can't remember the specifics of it, but we had the, the, the forfeit was that what can we do? that is so bad that there's no way in the world that we won't reach this target. So obviously, borat was around at the time and all this stuff. How?

Juan 4:13

about how about um Mankini? And it was like, no, can you get those? I was in Debenhams and I was like, oh my God, they've got comedy Mankini. So I bought one. I was like, john, this is it weight loss? Anyway, john, john lost. He's like, right, i'll do it. Okay, oh, did he? What a surprise. So we're on holiday in Portugal And it was just like indoor pools, i'll do it here because you know there's no one in it. No one really went to the indoor pool. It was quite empty. So John put the Mankini on. Is that right?

Juan 4:45

He thought so, just as about to do, about to do the reveal and come out looking like you know as bad as he possibly can. This family coming right And they go to see the jacuzzi is like oh my God, i thought it's fine, it's fine, it's going to do it. Then I just to top it off They, wheeling this old woman in a wheelchair, turn around to face the pool. So she's just got something to look at. She's just watching the pool. She's essentially watching John in his Mankini And he's like, oh no, what do we do? It was like proper old British comedy where one person comes in. You go, that's not too bad. Then the family comes like oh, i'm not sure if I can, and then this old woman just sits there going oh and yeah, it was the hilarity.

Jonathan 5:28

Well, i mean to give, to give a visual to the listener if you could imagine cooking a gammon with lime green string wasn't far off. that really. No, it was great Had you partner your ex absolutely pissing yourself.

Juan 5:45

It was so funny. Yeah, it was with the old woman's face just sitting there looking, just unsuspectingly looking at the pool, and we all knew you had a Mankini on.

Jonathan 5:55

I had that Mankini in the bottom of my wash basket for like years. I wanted that one brief time And then I just checked in the bottom there and then I literally threw it away when we moved here. Really, Yeah. No, so I've had it all that time And then I threw it away. Yeah, nice, nice, yeah, that was fun, that's a nice memory. Glad I brought up the party rings now.

Juan 6:18

Yeah, happy days. It triggers so many good memories for me, so many good memories.

Jonathan 6:26

Oh, so hey, I tell you what Gone Father's Day this coming Sunday.

Juan 6:30

Oh, it is Yeah, are you?

Jonathan 6:32

going back to see your dad taking out for a slap at meal.

Juan 6:36

Just like my lottery. Nope, yeah, no reason, he hasn't done anything wrong. I just eat miles away in it. I'm from miles away, i'm from Leeds, so hey.

Jonathan 6:48

I mean, i was really miles away from my dad. He was in Australia. But the? no, i'm taking my stepdad, who's a listener hey, mike, taking him out for a meal and see the dogs and everything else. Nice, and we'll obviously find out. you know, i can't tell you how it went because it hasn't happened yet.

Juan 7:09

No, the next episode. Yeah, i'm sure it'd be great.

Jonathan 7:13

The stories of me and Mike getting absolutely mortal. On a Sunday. I've got to drive back actually about three o'clock, so I can't get too drunk at all.

Juan 7:21

Yeah, i just want to. I'm so. I need to be just drunk enough to be able to handle the car. Yeah, just drunk enough to see so I can get over the bridge again. Do you understand I'm so. I'm so crap with stuff like that. I'm so crap with any kind of occasions birthdays.

Jonathan 7:37

Yeah, you always have been when that sort of stuff, haven't you Like? Mother's Day, Father's Day.

Juan 7:40

Well, i feel like that.

Jonathan 7:41

I blame my sister for this Son of the year. Son of the year.

Juan 7:44

I'm going to blame my sister for this, because she let me get away with it for my entire life by essentially buying all the cards and presents and put my name on it, so I didn't ever have to think about it. And then my ex used to do the same thing. She used to essentially just go do you know that you're?

Jonathan 7:56

Hey, just let everyone else do everything for you.

Juan 7:58

Well, no, she'd be like oh you know, it's your nephew's birthday, Yeah, I've got him a present. Brilliant, How much do I? That's how I used to go. I didn't even like. So what do you think your mum would want? I don't know. And then she'd go and buy something for my mum.

Jonathan 8:11

There's a theme running throughout your life. Who edits the episodes on this podcast? Me, Who sends the Mother's Day's card? your ex's and your sister? You're just a free load, ambassador mate.

Juan 8:20

What are you talking about? That came from a real place, then I want to give you a joke, was it? It was like you're just a free. When's the last time you spoke to your dad?

Jonathan 8:30

Free-loading bastard. I'm just trying to get some more.

Juan 8:34

You wait till we get some YouTube shit on it. You'll see John's face with the bitterness in it. Free-loading bastard.

Jonathan 8:42

Free-loading bastard. The venom wasn't about the fact that I edit the podcast. It was about the fact you still got a real dad. You had a dad in your life growing up. I was 22 before I got a dad in my life.

Juan 9:00

Free-loading bastard. Is that old you were when you?

Jonathan 9:06

Yeah, when Mike met my mum, I was 22. I thought you were younger than that, they got married when I'd been, i think, august 2002. I was just in 22 and I was with my ex-fiancé then. She was made of honour. She listens as well.

Juan 9:21

That's a weird thing. Most of it is blood and bones and shit. What's that She was made of honour. Oh, made of.

Jonathan 9:29

God, that's worse. What's the joke you did last episode? You see it worse.

Juan 9:33

Speaking of blood, just reminding me We never spoke where. What happened with your When you killed that guy?

Jonathan 9:39

What happened with your blood donation?

Juan 9:42

What's it called? again The name blood, yeah, what's it called again. Blood donation yeah.

Jonathan 9:49

I did it, I went through with it. I couldn't believe it. So I had this really lovely nurse called Kathy. Has that helped?

Juan 9:57

Yeah, that was great, kathy, Oh yeah, yeah, i don't know that nurse, not like the other one, she's a right bitch.

Donating Blood and Random Chatter

Jonathan 10:03

No, she was lovely. She was lovely And put my mind at ease. That was good And yeah. So when it, when it first went in, she said, oh, it's just a little prick, i don't know what. The first person to say that, but it did sting. When it first went in. But she said it's the, because it cleans It's the problem when she mentions it.

Juan 10:37

You can't do it.

Jonathan 10:38

When it first went in it did sting because she cleans it with the alcohol, so it's the alcohol going inside which makes it Sting. That's right. But after that I literally was the most comfy chair ever and I thought it was going to be about 10 minutes, she said.

Juan 11:00

It sounds like a really bad porn film. Always the most comfy chair ever.

Jonathan 11:06

She looked at my Halfway through. she looked at my bag and said you're almost done And that had only been in about a minute.

Juan 11:15

so I thought yeah, brilliant, that's quite good for you.

Jonathan 11:18

Yeah, it's really good. All in all, i think it probably lasted about four or five minutes, which is a wreck, but yeah, so there it was.

Juan 11:28

You'll never be able to go back to this nurse and give blood again. Yeah, she listened to this podcast.

Jonathan 11:34

I know because I told her about the podcast as well.

Jonathan 11:38

But yeah, but after I felt fine they leave you sitting there for a bit. but the worst thing was she was talking to me and she was asking me and then she just picked up my bag of blood and started shaking it around and almost like mixing it And I was like she was telling me about what was going to happen when I get my blood donation card and there's this kind of scheme where the more times you go you get badges and rewards and that sort of stuff.

Juan 11:58

They've got a coffee card for it. They've got a loyalty card for blood. They just got a cost of coffee Every six pints what do you get?

Jonathan 12:06

But I didn't hear any of it because she picked up my bag and just like, chucking the you're such a chuck, chucking the blood arrived And I was like I just zoned out. I was like, oh my God, that's making me feel a bit like queasy. I just went sorry, can you repeat that again? Because I didn't hear any of that because of the bag of blood, anyway. So he left me there and then they sit you on the table and they got like biscuits, club biscuits and squash And two club biscuits, two things of squash. The other nurses came over and started talking about my tattoo, which was nice. They were marring my tattoo And then, yeah, they went home and that's fine, so I've done it. So, come on, juan, what?

Juan 12:45

are you doing yours? Because I might find something in my blood After that story. yeah, i'll be rushing there.

Jonathan 12:50

Doesn't matter what nationality you're on Hey, there we go.

Juan 12:53

That's as bad as mine.

Jonathan 12:55

So anyway. so if you've listened to season one, episode four, where I tipped off the things saying we've given blood and we haven't done it, i now have Juan is going to do it.

Juan 13:04

He's just got.

Jonathan 13:04

You know why I don't find someone who's going to do it for him. That's all I can donate. Other people's blood, john, and kickboxing classes, come on. So right, juan, i'll donate blood for you as well, don't worry.

Juan 13:13

Thank you, you could just give the extra point, and that'd be fantastic.

Jonathan 13:15

The next bag will be yours.

Juan 13:17

Don't worry, thank you. I don't actually know what blood type I am. I've no idea.

Jonathan 13:21

I think, like I think it was a legend. Yeah, that's probably, it's probably gold, isn't it? It's probably just like the same as your trophies.

Juan 13:27

Yeah, gold iron fists. I don't know what it is, It's all good.

Jonathan 13:31

Yeah, it's probably just like pure protein powder comes out of your fangs and Yeah, absolutely, son you take any blood from me.

Juan 13:40

They're scared because, like you know, just this light beam of light comes out and melts a needle or kind of stuff.

Jonathan 13:46

Yeah, legend, and they realize it's just me sitting under a light bulb.

Juan 13:50

It's just like the shine on the head.

Jonathan 13:55

When's the last time you spoke to your dad? then?

Juan 13:58

Don't shame me into it. I don't know, i didn't shame you into it, i'm just asking you. I needed money. Let me think.

Jonathan 14:03

Fucking, i'll touch the nerve there. I was just asking. When you met your last spoke to your dad? Mine was never, so you know you're going to beat me. Here we go Fucking hell.

Juan 14:11

My dad left when I was a kid. Jesus Christ, whatever, where is love? You don't get any fuck off. You get love after you clean kitchen.

Ready Meal Packaging and Disabled Parking

Jonathan 14:27

Seriously, though, when you last speak to him, because I've never met your dad, i've never met your mom, even though me and your mom chat on Facebook every day and again. No, she comments on things, don't she? She does.

Juan 14:37

She does that parent thing where they comment on stuff but they don't realize that like no one's actually reading it. Like there'll be a story come out about I don't know a kid that's overcome massive odds And I will say you keep going, wee man, i'm like he's not going to read it. It's a fucking story. What are you talking about? It's bizarre.

Jonathan 14:54

My mom used to put like spaces but when she first, when she got into the internet and stuff like that, she was like terrible, she's put like spaces before full stops, so it'd be like the end of the word a space and then full stop and like trying to teach her like like how to do that was I mean Michael, you must have said that will testify Like it was. It was painful trying to get my mom to learn the internet.

Juan 15:15

So I had two things. My dad used to write in essentially a can no sorry. My mom used to write in a continuous sentence right on a. You basically had to create your own punctuation. And my dad used to put punctuation in, but just full stops. So it was just full stops all over the place. I was like I can't between the two. I had no idea what was going on. I was like I became like a code breaker just trying to decipher a text that came there. It got incredibly frustrating.

Jonathan 15:40

That can be forgiven because he's Spanish, so he's not his first name.

Juan 15:43

Well, he's Spanish. he is Spanish, but he, like he, came over here with 25. Do you know what I mean? He's been here for like 40 plus years. Having said that, my dad speaks four languages and, very clever, i can't really knock him. I barely speak one.

Jonathan 15:55

Does he have, like a? still have a Spanish accent.

Juan 15:57

Yeah, yeah, because he works with it, like, yes, because he worked with Italians his whole life. But that is true, yeah, they're all the same. Well, my dad speaks Spanish and Italian fluently and French and English and bits of a long, but he's always speaking to other people in like European languages essentially. So he he never really lost the accent. No, it's still quite strong, but no, last time I spoke to my dad was the last time I needed money.

Jonathan 16:28

I wish that worked true, but it actually is true.

Juan 16:30

That's not the only time I speak to my dad, but that was the last time I spoke to my dad, his father's day. I should probably send something Moon Peak maybe.

Jonathan 16:36

Just send his fucking money back, right Anyway, moon of the Week, happy.

Juan 16:43

Father's Day. What's this? It's just a little bit of what I owe you.

Jonathan 16:46

Just the money.

Juan 16:48

About half a percent, maybe less.

Jonathan 16:50

Should we?

Juan 16:51

do the Moon of the Week? Yeah, let's do it, why not?

Jonathan 16:53

Boom. So you're going first, John, Oh God, no. So my Moon of the Week is ready meals, but not ready meals in themselves, but the packaging that ready meals come in. And I'm going to be quite specific here because I'm going to single out the co-op.

Juan 17:16

Okay, sorry, co-op, please sponsor us, they're ready meals.

Jonathan 17:23

You pierce the lid and you put it in the microwave and it says, whatever the time it is, and then it says, once it's done, it leaves to stand for one minute and then peel back the film. Oh yeah, that's cool. Good fucking luck with that. I've never got one. You burn your fingers, it shreds off and it goes into the food and you have to pick it out And it's. I mean, what are they doing? What is the point? What's the point in having film that you're supposed to peel back if you can't peel it back? It's like having a foreskin you can't peel back. You'd get it cut off, wouldn't you?

Juan 17:55

The national campaign to circumcise the ready meal. I know exactly what you mean, because it's not like. The funny thing is, when it peels back, it's like they've done it on purpose, because it doesn't peel back in bits if it comes off, so you can just do it in bits. It comes off almost like in jagged edges.

Jonathan 18:14

Yeah jagged edges.

Juan 18:16

It's like it's been glued in certain bits and not others. It's like super glued down around the edges.

Jonathan 18:20

Yeah, it's really weird. You get a knife and it cuts. I mean, i think it's Mark's inspenses or Tesco's Theirs are actually quite good. They come off, there's a little tab and you peel it. Great, perfect, that's how it should be done.

Juan 18:32

These other ones, i'm like I just don't get it I really don't, so I'm going to credit someone for this now A friend of Well, some of you both know. So I was on tour with him. You went to drama school with, I believe, Nick Gibney Nick Gibney, yeah Yeah, a really lovely guy And he was eating a lot of ready meals on tour And he came up with a theory. He was like I've just realised, the more you pay for the ready meal, the easier that the film goes back.

Juan 18:57

Because he was like he was buying stuff and he was like, yeah, this was crap. But I've got Mark Suspensers and bought a weight, throws one and he said they just peel right off. But then he mentioned another supermarket and he was just like these ones are shit. He got very, very impassioned about it. He was very much a ready meal person. He was like no, I don't cook, Don't do any of that stuff. I love a good ready meal.

Jonathan 19:17

Yeah, i wonder if the cooperative then is because you have to get someone to help you and be cooperative to get it off.

Juan 19:23

That's what it's called. Yeah, it's to try to get other people to like to join in, so we create a sense of community. Community, john, community exactly.

Jonathan 19:31

The lesson here is stop eating fucking ready meals.

Juan 19:33

I think I didn't want to say. I didn't want to say, but that is probably one of the lessons, yeah.

Jonathan 19:37

I'll be honest, i actually don't. I used to eat a lot of ready meals Like that was my thing, i just say. But I very rarely buy them though.

Juan 19:44

It's a lie. They're not ready, though. I just love to fucking cook them. Yeah, not really.

Jonathan 19:49

But since, being vegetarian, there's very limited ready meals.

Juan 19:51

That are actually any good Vegetal as any macaroni and cheese, mac and cheese.

Jonathan 19:56

And you get like the corn ones which are like you know whatever chicken masala, but they're not. So I don't really buy them that much. But when you do, i'm just like, oh my God, why. I mean it's first world problem in it. People haven't got water A little bit, yeah.

Juan 20:08

These fucking ready meals. I can't eat them in the three seconds I'm supposed to.

Jonathan 20:13

But if the people that didn't have water had to get them out of a container with that fucking film on it, they'd be having this moment of the week as well. Do you reckon they just won't bother drinking it? Exactly, they'd be like we'll carry on walking 10 miles a day. Rock it, they'd be quicker. Get it out.

Juan 20:29

Oh, anyway, what's your moment of the week? My moment of the week, john? Disabled parking. Fuck it out. Here we go, jesus Christ. Now not specific to the people that use? it right Yeah yeah.

Juan 20:42

It's fine. But you go into any supermarket, right. And you see, obviously I understand why disabled parking has to be closer to the entrance. I'm not bothered about that. Yeah, that's fine. Disabled parking is that you go to any supermarket, right. There's like, let's the argument say, say there's 200 spaces at least almost half of them, i'm lying but, like you know, probably say 100 spaces or less.

Jonathan 21:06

Half of them.

Juan 21:06

Disabled people 100. No, generally. Generally 100 parking spaces, right 500, sometimes 50% of them have got disabled signs on Right. So you go in and you're like quantitative了吧. Let me share that for you. Surely there can't be this many people needing disabled parking. It's true, because every time I go past them, about 80% of those spaces are empty and then all the other spaces are on. the rest are full. I feel like you've over-egged it a bit here. I've never seen disabled parking full, ever, even when the supermarket's full. I've never seen it.

Jonathan 21:41

Surely that's the point. So it's not full, so there's always ample parking for them.

Juan 21:45

Yeah, but there's obviously ample parking. There's ample parking times 20.

Jonathan 21:49

See I'm not like I can't.

Juan 21:52

Look, if there are enough people to fill it, great, by all means, let's have that many, but I feel like we have to make sure that we have 10,000 spaces just in case.

Jonathan 22:02

So what's your argument then? Less spaces or more disabled people? I can't look at it. Can we clarify this? One wants people to be more disabled so they can fill that with spaces.

Juan 22:15

I just want a blue badge. Maybe that's what I'm saying.

Jonathan 22:17

That's what you wanted, isn't it?

Juan 22:20

No, but look, I don't care about walking whatever, I'm not bothered about parking that far away. They fucking do They do, but I'm not talking about it. It's just like I don't understand the logic. It's like right, let's have a look at the percentage of this, Let's make sure we've got enough spaces times 20. I don't get it. I've never seen them full in my life, ever, Not even close to being full 10%.

Jonathan 22:40

I don't have an issue with the disabled thing at all. I start to have a bit of an issue and this is very apt to what we're going to come on to talk to in a bit. So I might change my view in a few years' time with the fucking parent and push chair, parking spaces Fuck off.

Juan 22:55

I find that, yeah, that pisses me off.

Jonathan 22:58

There's so many of them I'm like I get it, but like you chose to have kids, you're also on fucking wheels.

Juan 23:04

You're on wheels. You come out and push chair. You're on wheels. Oh, you just push it. Other people in the wheelchair, yeah, i don't mind that, but I'm just saying there's not that many of them.

Jonathan 23:11

You do, no, no but I'm just saying I just don't think.

Juan 23:13

I think there's a disproportionate number of disabled spaces compared to disabled people that actually use them. That's all I'm saying.

Jonathan 23:21

Like I feel like there should have. I can't wait for you to get more list of this podcast. We should have loads of disabled spaces. You won't give blood. You call your dad for money. You don't like women, Disabled women I do like women.

Juan 23:38

I'm just saying that, like I feel like there's a disproportionate amount of spaces. Unless they're anticipating a lot more people with disabilities, which I don't think they are.

Juan 23:48

I just think. I just don't get it. It's always The same reason near me, honestly, one side of the parking is always full, and then people having to, like you know, do you see them driving around in circles? And then, and actually, now that you've said it, it isn't just to say, but it's also the parent and child thing. There's this whole, one whole side is empty bar, like one car, and you think, well, you've got this wrong. You've obviously got this wrong. This is disproportionate And that one doesn't part properly. I tell you what I That was originally going to be my own right About people parking over two spaces, because the number of times I see it. But then I, just Today, i was up, i was parking, i was just like there's no spaces here, but there's a thousand disabled spaces and they're just not being used. So yeah, give up more blue badges then. That's what I'm saying.

Jonathan 24:34

Let's change the criteria, give up more blue badges, use the One's campaign for more disabled people. Let's get behind it. So I'll tell you what, though There's, i know, a way that you can get your wish and actually, you know, have some power in this world to transform and get rid of these disabled spaces cluttering up our car parts.

Juan 24:51

That's not what I'm saying. Fuck yeah, that's not. It Just make it like Because someone could clip. If you ever got a favour, someone's going to clip. That, aren't they?

Jonathan 24:58

Yeah, they're going to clip.

Juan 25:00

One just wants to get rid of disabled places because he hates people, and he hates people with disabilities. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying there's a disproportionate number of people like of spaces from what there are for people, Which is a good thing, I guess, but like, why would we have so?

Jonathan 25:15

many. Welcome to the 9 o'clock news. Today at a London in Tesco, a disabled man got hit walking from his disabled spot which had been taken away by Mayor Omrolis. Oh, get over it, he would have survived had there been enough blood for him, but apparently nobody.

Juan 25:30

In an ironic twist, he had the same blood type as Mayor Omrolis, but one hadn't given any blood ever.

Jonathan 25:36

Just in case he finds something in it. Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is you might have enough money to sort this out soon if you've won the lottery. So, Juan, have you won the lottery?

Juan 25:49

Fuck off.

Jonathan 25:52

How much do you spend this week?

Juan 25:54

I don't fucking know. Seems to be average 18 to 20 pounds.

Jonathan 26:01

So we're like 48 quid now and you've won a tenner Yeah, 38, quid now?

Juan 26:07

It's got to be 18 to win it. John, that's a meal isn't it?

Jonathan 26:09

That's people spending that money After the honours.

Juan 26:10

John, I'm actually at 58 pounds and then a tenner down because it was 18, 20, 20, wasn't it? And then because we calculated last week with a tenner down. You've just done me a favour by taking another tenner off. Thanks for that. But So it's 40.

Jonathan 26:24

A quid then then?

Juan 26:25

Yeah.

Jonathan 26:26

That's a nice meal, that isn't it Yeah?

Juan 26:29

That's my parking like outside somewhere because I can't get into the space.

Jonathan 26:37

That's the cost of a blue badge.

Juan 26:40

Oh, you know, having said that, I'd love a blue badge. Mate, you're cats.

Jonathan 26:44

No, i don't want like You wouldn't, because you.

Juan 26:47

Yeah, obviously I don't necessarily want to fit the criteria for a blue badge depending on what it is, but I would love if someone just said look, mate, here's a blue badge, enjoy it.

Jonathan 26:57

Anyway, talking of parking spaces for people with children, this brings us nicely on to our subject this week, which is becoming a parent in your 40s. Yeah, thoughts, thoughts on that one.

Juan 27:12

Well, I haven't yet.

Jonathan 27:14

Oh yeah, correct.

Juan 27:15

Well done. Yeah, I think he.

Jonathan 27:17

Slash that one.

Juan 27:19

Yeah, so in what respect? like, are we becoming a parent? I know what you mean, but like my thoughts on it, like do I want to? Is that what you're saying?

Jonathan 27:25

Yeah, i mean now you're in your 40s. I know, because we covered it before, that you've never Yeah, it's never really been on your like wish list, like the top of your wish list to be a parent. You know, whereas, like with me, it's been very different. But now you are, can you know, and now you've got, you know, your hair sorted out, and then I'll see you more yourself, you know.

Juan 27:44

Yeah.

Jonathan 27:45

Back to the life-affirming lovable you know, embracing more person you are, embrace everyone, accept everyone kind of person. Yeah, do you want some little ones to instill your amazing Some parts of my knowledge, knowledge and create some sociopaths to send out into the world. Yeah, Do you want some blank cams, just to fuck up, like you?

Juan 28:09

Well when you put it like that yeah, maybe.

Juan 28:11

I don't know like maybe I guess it again. Look, it's going to come down to that. The question I answered a minute ago If I had, if I had lottery money or equivalent. No, that's not what I'm really saying. If I like felt like I was financially stable enough, it didn't have to be a lot of money. Obviously It can be any money really. Someone just gave me a couple of million. Then I would. I would certainly consider it, because I feel like part of the reason it's always put me off is like obviously we have quite a precarious career. Like as an adult, i was thinking like as a kid I didn't really want to be a parent. As a kid I didn't really want kids because it was illegal. But then when I sort of became an actor, i was like, oh, it's great because it's going to be really good. You get lots of shows, you get paid lots of money, and then you get no, you don't.

Juan 28:53

And I thought actually I Well, you do, but it's what you do with that money really innit It is, and it's not consistent enough as well, so it's not like it's all the time. You can't rely on it, and I wouldn't want to have a child to then have to take a job that I hated just to pay the bills and pay for it and then resent the child for it. That was always my issue. I don't want to put my issues onto someone that's not their fault, you know, like Sabre Parking No, i'm kidding Like you know, obviously the child doesn't choose to be brought into the world and if I'm like you, little bastard, you took my career away from me, so I'm going to take away yours. I don't know where that came from. Like, i think I've watched too many films.

Juan 29:33

But you know what I mean. Like I don't want to resent the child. It's not their fault yet. So I don't want to kind of, I don't want to feel any resentment towards them for that reason. That was my reasoning really. It came from a good place. For once, John, It came from a good place, Selfish really.

Jonathan 29:50

Didn't know you had one, but that's nice.

Juan 29:51

Yeah, thanks, it's a little bit.

Jonathan 29:55

No, but yeah, well for me, like, as you know, i was always wanting to be a dad. when I was younger, i mean, i said like maybe it's the one who said listen to this podcast. Even then, when I mean I was, i met her when I was like 20, 19, yeah, 1920. She was like maybe a year younger than me. I think I was 20, she was 18, someone like that.

Jonathan 30:17

And even then we were talking about, like you know, marriage and kids and stuff. I obviously never would have happened because we were like very young and she was going to have to be union and everything else. But it's like even then, and then I thought I was kind of like, yeah, i want to be a dad by the time I'm 28. Life happened and I haven't been.

Juan 30:33

But I definitely want to be.

Jonathan 30:35

I found this website called thedadtraincom Becoming a dad in your 40s article Would I recommend it And this guy's written it. And he didn't become a father. So he's 41. And he had a lot of various different reasons why he didn't And he's basically saying that obviously there are like disadvantages and advantages to like with anything.

Jonathan 30:58

So the age thing comes into factor a little bit. With you know, you don't have as much energy. But he said having kids made him feel younger because he felt like he was then it's made him feel younger, it's made him want to be fitter, it's made him want to be, you know, in shape and be current And it's sort of made him go. Yeah, this is my sort of purpose. He said he felt like he had the first half of his life which he wouldn't want to change, where he's done all the kind of young things and the career things and the going out and the traveling, whatever he's done, and now it's kind of he's now this is his purpose for the rest of his life, you know, to be a dad, even though he's still going to do his own things. But he's got that kind of.

Jonathan 31:32

I was like, yeah, kind of, that's kind of how I feel.

Juan 31:34

It makes sense.

Father Figure's Purpose Search

Jonathan 31:35

Yeah, i do. We spoke about last night we me and one have have a little kind of we call it a bloke therapy.

Juan 31:42

Yes, i call it a bloke therapy.

Jonathan 31:43

Let's say, one hasn't one's never called it that, but I do.

Juan 31:47

And I call it just listening to fucking John for an hour. I'm not kidding. Yeah, yeah, oh, here he goes again.

Jonathan 31:56

But yeah, we, we, we, we play a bit of Mario Kart or something online and we, just when we just have a little chat, And last night we were talking about essentially like loads of different things, but it boiled down to kind of like what's your, what's your goal now in your 40s? What's your?

Juan 32:10

kind of driving force.

Jonathan 32:11

What's the? you know? I call it like the beacon on the hill that you're trying to get to, And that thing has drives you forward, Like when we were younger we was being in that too and having specific shows you wanted to get into, or whatever.

Juan 32:20

Yeah, roles and all that kind of stuff.

Jonathan 32:22

Roles, yeah, and achievements and notoriety, whatever it was. And so now it's like, what is that thing? And I do think there's part of me, as I said to you last night, is always like feeling like there's something missing. There's something that I'm you know, that I'm not satisfied with whatever I do, and I do wonder if becoming a dad isn't going to be like the be on and end all of that. But it will give me in my stage of my life, now that I think, well, i'm thinking, oh yeah, that's it, that's what I needed.

Jonathan 32:49

You know because I've always wanted to be a dad. but I don't know Because my partner is six years younger than me, so she's got a little bit more time on her side. you know, because I don't want to be a really fucking old dad. And I'm already going to be 43 next month. I cannot make and we're not gonna be thinking of me and even trying for another year or more.

Juan 33:09

Yeah.

Jonathan 33:09

I don't know then and then if doesn't, doesn't happen straight away because we're both a bit older, and Then what's happening? then I'm, then it gets like pushing towards 50. I'm like, do I want to be a dad and the new one baby of 50? I don't know.

Juan 33:21

Yeah, no, i don't mean, but you think, why do you think that is for you, like in terms of because obviously we I know we joke about it stuff but like With your kind of like sort of childhood and early childhood and kind of I guess you'd call Suppose like role models or people that influenced you? do you think that has influenced your decision to want to be a dad so much, or do you think it was just yeah, i think that I've always wanted to be a dad and be a really good and involved dad.

Jonathan 33:46

Yeah, because I didn't have one. But but the proviso to that isn't because I felt like I lost that by not having one when I was it, when I was a child, i didn't, i didn't, i wasn't aware of not having a dad because it was what I was born in, just thought he was there. Yeah, my mom had this this just gone out in the corner She used to. There's your dad's going sit on his knee.

Juan 34:08

And I'm just kept saying, no, he's gone out. Do you miss him, john? He's gone out. He's that, look bum, he's that work.

Jonathan 34:14

I never just make sure she had like two glasses on the side And I can't you know, stubbed that cigarette.

Juan 34:18

He's just finished his dinner. I missed it again, Oh just washing his jeans for work for tomorrow, 15 before realize.

Jonathan 34:24

Oh Yeah no, but seriously that I literally I never thought I I never felt anything like oh god, you know I'm that I'm missing out is what I meant.

Jonathan 34:34

I'm not didn't feel like I was missing that because I was born into it. It's only as I got older started to be more aware the fact that other people Didn't have dads, and and it's now, as I've got older again and into our 30s and 40s, now I'm looking back and going, oh, you know, wish I'd had that kind of dad figure as well that would have taken me to the football and would have, you know, done, you know this and the other and stuff and I don't know. So now I'm sort of looking back and I would have been probably and that's not, that's no knock on You know the childhood I had, because it was fine, but it was just like you look back and think, oh yeah, because he hear about these relationships people have with the dads. Oh yeah, took to the football and taught me this and I think You know my mom, my mom and my nan did a really good job of it And I'm used to play football with me in the garden and but it's not quite this.

Jonathan 35:18

It's not quite the same firing a ball at your nan in goals It is.

Juan 35:24

Where's your own hospital? why?

Fatherhood and Age

Jonathan 35:26

Knocking your nose teeth out with a fucking football. Mind you, i mentioned before she had that bit of like, that bit of socket missing from a riot. I wonder if that was me. Honestly, though, blesses like she used to play cricket and football, me in the garden, and like my mom would be the one, that sort of like Give me all the life lessons and you know, and taking places and all that, and it's like So yeah, so I think that is maybe want to be a really good dad. Whether I will be or not, are you fucking knows, because I've got no reference point on how to be a dad.

Juan 35:55

We see I, i obviously I had a dad Bragg. Now I'm getting you had a dad. Remember that you have.

Jonathan 36:05

Got a dad.

Juan 36:05

Hello, i mean great. Well, this is like like one's, one's prick. He's a hate, this hate that I know I'm good, like I am. No, I mean, i had a dad growing up. Obviously I still do, but like.

Jonathan 36:17

Yeah, he's still growing up.

Juan 36:18

It's not. I'm still growing up. Here. I'm looking to find that, that sweet spot where I feel like an adult and have enough money to be one.

Jonathan 36:24

But I'm a sweet spot.

Juan 36:26

That's a sweet and Yeah, but I, i know, would say that, like you know, my dad had to work a lot. Um, just everyone get the tissues out and tears Yeah, cool, um, yeah, my dad to work a lot and And, but he was around, he did do a lot of that stuff, but I I still it never inspired me to want to have children like him. Also, my dad is Spanish, so He wasn't quite. He didn't have the best upbringing in general, so I think he was still when I think why is that Spanish thing?

Juan 36:56

Yes, my people don't have good upbringings. They just get. They just get left with an enormous chorizo They have to chew through until the light five years old street and get chased by a ball.

Juan 37:08

Chased by a ball that they learn the life lesson if they survive the legends. So it's what got sick in a weird turn on it. No, so my dad didn't have, like you know, he didn't have the most stable childhood, for various reasons, and I think, when I think about how old he was when he had me, i think he was like 30, um, so he's obviously still finding his way, but you don't think about that when you're a kid, like they're your parents. They are, they, they know what they're doing, apparently, and they, they, they 100% thought it all out. They know what's going on. They probably haven't got a fucking clue anymore than I would know and like this.

Jonathan 37:44

People have the younger, but I'm just like that's that's. That's the positive about being older, is that? um, i think you are more like, level-headed and more emotionally capable of going right, okay, i can be a better. I think that's that's the positive of being an older dad, as you got a bit more life Yeah, it's behind you Whereas if you had a kid a kid when you're in your early 20s you're still a kid yourself.

Juan 38:05

You're still a kid, you look, i guess you almost like. I guess that's how people often become friends, isn't it? They're with dads, with their kids, because they can have almost like grow up together in some ways.

Jonathan 38:13

Yeah, especially men like.

Juan 38:15

But like my dad was great with with loads of things, provided everything you could, did all that. You know he was very much a family person. That's all you want. You wanted a family want. His success was our success. So anything we did, my dad really took it bored. I just don't think I'm that good a person like.

Jonathan 38:32

Like in the sense that, like I don't have a big on father's day.

Juan 38:36

I wish the best for people, everyone or the rest of it, but my dad is like so selfless when it comes to stuff, like that was generally and like I would worry that I could. Maybe that's part of it. I would worry that I couldn't do that. I guess you just do. But You know there is partly that things I don't know if I could do, for all the faults and flaws that people have, and I'm sure we could all name them about.

Jonathan 38:57

I don't think anyone does, though I don't think I could. I don't think anyone knows And I think, like this guy in this article, he says that. Really, excuse me, i need to cough. There we go, oh fucking coughs again.

Juan 39:07

John, How many? I'm going to edit this out. It's catching on. You're doing it.

Jonathan 39:09

It's taken nine weeks and I've caught it The face time cough Yeah.

Jonathan 39:18

I, yeah, this guy says like you know, you're never going to be ready. So if you're like there or thereabouts or you're like you know you're never going to be financially ready properly Some people will, but most people won't You just got to like if you want to do it, just go and do it and you'll find suck anything. When we adopted a cat, we were like we weren't probably in the right position to be having a cat already, but we adapted our life to have a cat and now we've got one.

Jonathan 39:42

You, just you, know, same as we've got.

Juan 39:44

Turned upon the window ledge Exactly So six months old. But now.

Jonathan 39:47

your life revolves around making sure that he's okay, he's got enough food and water and playtime and blah blah. And that's what you do. You just do it. We adapt and people like you and I, we adapt more than anyone because we're like you're so used to doing it with our careers. Yeah, so yeah.

Jonathan 40:02

So, I reckon it'd be a good thing, but I am also worried about being an older dad for that, because you got to think about it. If we have kids, say so you're 45, i'm 42 and you're going to be 46 in September, september, i'm 43 in September. So let's call ourselves 43 and 46. If we didn't have children for another two years, you'll be 48, i'll be 45. Then you might have kids with you. You might still have kids living at home when they're 20. I mean, good fucking luck, i'm kicking them out when they're 16.

Juan 40:31

But yeah, What hope Right?

Jonathan 40:33

You're then like a 65 or 68 year old person with kids still living at home. It's like what the fuck. But then again you've got that family to then look after you as you get older. You've got people there that you might end up having grandchildren And then, or it might be the case that you have these children and older and then you die younger and then they're left without any parents, like you know.

Juan 40:57

Well, that's cheery, isn't it? But think about this Positive light. Your Nan how your Nan obviously did a lot for you and was like there for you all the time And she was well, she was your Nan, so she was obviously older, but she had loads of energy for a long time, didn't she? You went and hold her with her. Yeah, yeah, but she's still not loads of energy.

Jonathan 41:12

I mean she died at 88 and she had dementia for the last few years, so she declined with that, but before that she still was up and back, you know. So when I was like she was 88 and I was 39 when she died, or back to age, i was 38 maybe. So she was like, yeah, what, 50 years older than me.

Juan 41:34

That's got to be a bad right.

Jonathan 41:35

Yeah, she's roughly 50, 49 years older than me, something like that. So when I was like 10, she was sort of she was 60, and when I was like 20 she was 70, and so on and so on. Yeah, yeah, never changes, it's always the same ratio.

Juan 41:48

Yeah, it's always. Yeah, strange that.

Jonathan 41:50

It's a little less than a master. Everyone there, i get that, but yeah, so when I'm 10 and I'm in the garden firing fucking balls at her face, she's like 16. 16 years old And it's like, and she's running out. So yeah, it's as old as you feel, don't it? You know, and I think the the inspiration to be I mentioned before with Dave, i made like chucking his kid, barney, up in the air, just him up in the air, and caught in fright like 10 times And I was like, jesus Christ, i'm not ready to be a dad, i'm just purely on fitness. Yeah, knackered, but yeah, it might be the making of me one who knows.

Juan 42:24

You never know. You never know It's you know, saying that like well, if you think about that, then so let's say you had children. now you have the same age difference as you and you and you Nan, right. You would you would be like they would be in the mid 40s by the time anything happened to you.

Jonathan 42:38

So it's not too bad. It's me and my mum. That was a lot, because my mum had me when she was 22. So we were quite close in age. So when I was 18, my I turned 18, i think six months after she turned 40. Okay, and that's not. I mean, that's not. Yeah. Yeah, you know, i've just done Panto with with people that are the same age gap as that and we were like mates and you know we still mates now and stuff. You know like 20 and I'm 42 or whatever It's like. It's the same thing and that's not really that much of a difference, you know No it's funny how it works in cycles almost like it's almost.

Juan 43:12

It's almost easier to be friends with someone that's like 15 or 20 years younger than it is like to be a little bit closer in your age, like seven to 10 years.

Jonathan 43:21

You're kind of almost missed out.

Juan 43:22

It kind of comes around in cycles, seems to, and you just kind of you find your interests are quite similar.

Jonathan 43:27

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you know these weird as well.

Juan 43:29

Do you know? I find with our older people I know it's a bit tangent here, but but they always just kind of look the same for about 30 years. Like you look at them, nothing seems to change. Like the grandma looks like my grandma looked like honestly exactly the same for about for about 25 to 30 years until she, until she like went like she got Parkinson's and he went to decline. Then you can see they get very old very quickly. But that point I looked. I was like you even see, look at the pictures and you go, there really isn't a lot of difference.

Juan 43:56

They said they find, they find a hairstyle and they stick with it. Yeah they find that. they find like a certain amount like dresses that they wear and they stick with them. So essentially, you're looking at the same photo. It's a bit like the modern photo with a different backdrop.

Jonathan 44:08

the selfie, yeah, like maybe like fluctuations in weight and the odd fluctuation here.

Jonathan 44:14

Yeah, my 90 yeah, probably for the whole time I was alive. If you look at pictures, she's like you know I say like you can see there's a bit of like natural aging going on. Yeah, she's like she fluctuated with, you know, she was actually reasonably slim, but she's all then put on a bit weight, lost it again or something else Must be a family drink And then. But yeah, it's only when I got into my sort of like 30s, mid 30s, that she started to then slugging to look a bit older, and then that's when the dementia kicked in and then she really fucking like that spread out so quickly and like when she died she was like tiny, like, tiny, tiny.

Juan 44:49

Yeah, clothes are hanging off her.

Jonathan 44:51

Like you know, she was like you know, she just she just didn't. She looked like my nan, but she just looked like really old and her hair had gone completely gray and white, and you know and all that stuff. She was dark hair, was remember dark hair and whatnot, but but yeah, but so I reckon being being a parent. So there's people most of my friends, a lot of my friends have been parents in their 30s.

Juan 45:10

Yeah, and they're already got the same. yeah, yeah, same some of my friends in the late in the middle of 20s Yeah, i'm pretty much the only one you know. Do you think you're?

Jonathan 45:18

going to be a parent that that will start putting all their kids pictures online And promoting them on social media. Looking me and my kid. Looking me and my kid.

Juan 45:31

No, i'll still be putting my trophies online, john, until I.

Jonathan 45:35

Oh, that's well, it is a question, though. So you, you've got a kid now, right, and they're like five years old and they go right, dad, dad and you go, i'm busy go away, it's what she taught you, brother, i'm not your dad, mother's busy.

Jonathan 45:47

She's writing your father's. They can't. Okay, i'll take it this one time. What, what, what. He takes you out in the garden, says, right, i want to play sports with some description rugby, football, martial arts, whatever you want to, whatever you're doing, yeah, are you going to let him win because he's five or are you going to like, keep beating him until he actually genuinely beats you?

The Problem With Participation Awards

Juan 46:09

I would let him obviously look, i'm not going to kick him in the face and go there you go, didn't block that one, but, um, would I let him win. I would give him a sense of achievement. I don't think I'll just let him win from nothing, but I would praise the good things that he did or she did, but I wouldn't just let them win for the second one, because I think it gives you like a A false sense of things like little things like you know, i don't know, i can't think of anything at the moment, but I just feel like you have to work to be able to win something, because then that you feel the achievement from it.

Jonathan 46:42

Well, you know that feeling like I, i hate that feeling and it's such an easy thing to do to someone, like you've done it to me and I've tried to do it to you and vice-versa, you do people where, if you actually lose, you can then eventually just turn and go I am, by the way, let you in Like it irks people because you like, you want it, you want to feel like you've actually won on your own merit And like you know whether it's true or not, you can still get me and I've done it, i've said this people and it's just kind of like to wind them up and And like so I think that this whole like participation, awards and stuff, now a lot of crap like we're all school generation in the 40s.

Jonathan 47:14

I'm like no, no, no, no. if you don't, if you come second, your first loser, absolutely.

Juan 47:19

That's 100%, that's how, that's honestly how.

Jonathan 47:21

I feel about it. There's no shame in coming second because you worked hard, but it just shows you've got some more work to do to get first.

Juan 47:27

Yeah, i think it changes the higher, the higher the level of the sport, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jonathan 47:32

But if you're coming like seventh in the egg and spoon race, then yeah, that's great Okay.

Juan 47:38

It's not for you, is it?

Jonathan 47:39

Oh, here's the certificate. Because you came seventh, you fell over and smacked your face into a spoon. No, no, no, no.

Juan 47:43

And then they just go oh, daddy, daddy, i got what I bring. what's the award for participation? Don't show me that shit, come back when you want.

Jonathan 47:51

All right, so here we go. So you're at home. It's four o'clock, right In comes little honey junior.

Juan 47:58

Yeah, definitely won't be called. well, i'm not. I'm not keeping that name on Three different letters going. Oh look, we know who it's for who it's?

Jonathan 48:05

for what the fuck?

Juan 48:06

Yeah.

Jonathan 48:07

Here he comes in his little wheelchair, so you can get a blue badge. Right, he's coming in He's not disabled, but you put him in one.

Juan 48:14

Just want to blue you out. Yeah, just don't ever move your legs. Father of the year over here I've told you limp.

Jonathan 48:21

Oh sorry, dad. So he comes in and he says oh father, father, i imagine you call your father because you wouldn't want to be called.

Juan 48:30

Yeah, i wouldn't take that. Yeah for father. It'd be very formal. Yeah, and you'd better not have a stutter, though I was just slapping. Yeah, well, that's a good point, father.

Jonathan 48:42

I have an achievement to share with you. I don't know why he's speaking like an ass. I love it. I have an achievement to share with you, father. Today I got a certificate at school. Oh well done, little whanee. Please you don't speak like that.

Juan 48:55

But here you go.

Jonathan 48:56

I will for this, but for the purpose of this.

Juan 48:57

yeah, give it here, let me see. Yeah, oh well, done little, let me have a little look. Oh, fantastic.

Jonathan 49:03

Hang on, little whanee. Sit there while they finish polishing me trophies. Right, hang on.

Juan 49:08

I'll speak to you after.

Jonathan 49:09

I've been to gym, yeah, and kickboxing and be coccyx, fuck it Al.

Juan 49:15

Get on with it. What is it? what's he?

Jonathan 49:16

asking me. He's giving you. He's giving you this lovely printed out or the little gold leaf on it.

Juan 49:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a participation award. Yeah, what do you do go? I say oh great, what, what were you participating in?

Jonathan 49:29

Well, dad, we, we, um, we had to run a race, um, and there was 20 of us in the race, and and we had to run around 400 meters. Right, is he fat? or is he like He's your child? he's nowhere. He'd be strapped to a treadmill if he was fat. Right, okay, i think, because I was obviously I was forcing to drink milk, okay, so he's never eating this whole life, to make sure he's not fat again. Okay fine, yeah, yeah, good.

Jonathan 49:50

A rust and some milk. That's all he's had to make this whole life.

Juan 49:52

Yeah, yeah, half a rust, half a rust, half a rust.

Jonathan 49:56

No fat diet rust.

Juan 49:57

Yeah, diet rust.

Jonathan 50:00

Right and he says I've run a race, 20 people in the race and uh yeah, oh brilliant, where did you come? I came 19th, i fell over and I didn't cross the finish line. oh, what'd you do?

Juan 50:11

Oh, i just there'd be such a look of disappointment in my face I couldn't even. I couldn't even hide it. I just feel like, look, sit like Wani jr, sit next to me. No, don't sit a bit further away in case in case, your shittiness rubs off at me. Go away, go like you can't sit in the winner's chair here, just go sit over there. No, it's, no, it's. Yeah, it's on my throne. So here's how it works. So this is bullshit yeah, bullshit, straight away.

Jonathan 50:36

he's fine, you came 19th no come back when you've come. No, he didn't. He didn't finish. He was a d. He was a dn why?

Juan 50:43

didn't. why didn't you finish? I fell over dad.

Jonathan 50:46

So why don't you get up and keep running? I fell over because my legs gone dead, because you keep making me limp for the blue badge.

Juan 50:56

If that was? if that was the case, i'd say do you know what? let's put this on the wall. Well, i'm going to use this next time we go to Disneyland. We can walk straight to the front Brilliant. I'd say what's next? we'll start limping on the other leg, won't we? so we're going to leave him. I would explain to you in the participation award, unless they're all 10 years old. News, absolute shit, and I may not use those words. But let's, let's work on this so that next time you either you either run the race and you come in the top one, or you just don't bother competing.

Juan 51:30

Don't compete in that race, it's not for you, go find something you're good at or compete.

Jonathan 51:34

That's how you do it.

Juan 51:35

Find a sport you can play and then smash everyone at it. And then other sports you're not quite as good at. You won't enjoy them anyway, so get rid of them.

Jonathan 51:45

Yeah, i reckon you're gonna say you are listen, listen, little tiny junior. Well done for taking part and giving it a go, however it's only it's only worth taking part if you're gonna win.

Juan 51:56

Or if at least you've got a chance of winning. If you've got no chance of winning, what's the point? save you, save your time.

Jonathan 52:00

You're not going to win everything in life, and that's okay, but you've got to keep striving for greatness. You've got to keep striving to get there, and sometimes it's not your race, mate. Yeah, this isn't it. The four hundred meters clear isn't your race. With your leg, you'd be better off in the three-legged race.

Juan 52:21

Oh, my god what would you say then same thing.

Jonathan 52:24

Well, i don't know, i don't know full of pizza, so I just choose which pizza magazine, so I wouldn't be able to speak to begin with, but then I'd be like. I'd be like wow.

Juan 52:32

I've got you this. I've got this award, dad. It's a. It's a participation award, because it was.

Jonathan 52:38

I really, really enjoyed it, but there was 20 people and I didn't finish the junior because I ran the wrong way. I ran at a breath after you ran on two fat darts.

Juan 52:49

I saw. I saw like a suite on the floor and I stopped and picked up.

Jonathan 52:53

The teacher said it's because I ate too many party rings.

Juan 52:57

But you said they're really fifty six cups. They give me fuel.

Jonathan 53:03

I'm like listen. I've like, listen, listen. Wow, johnny Jr, i think in this instance you need to go and see Uncle Hoanie, because he's the winner in this world, not me. He's got a dad. He knows how to do it. I never did. I failed you, son, sorry about that, and then I'd order a dominoes to get myself over it.

Juan 53:23

Then get a flight to Australia.

Jonathan 53:28

To visit the grave of my dead father, who I never met.

Pearl of Wisdom

Juan 53:32

I just work it out. I turned out all right, you can live with it. Get a phone call once a year Yeah, no, i'd say I'd say look.

Jonathan 53:39

I say do not this, this certificate, son, this, this is to show that you made an effort to take part. It didn't work out for you this time, so we're not going to put this on the fridge with all your amazing artwork of your mom and me Separate. Yeah, yeah. Well, i'll take you to your mom's this weekend for your access visits, because she left me because she couldn't deal with it anymore. Hey, do you?

Juan 54:08

love the dog more than me. Let's not get into that. No, i'll tell him yeah, yeah, i do.

Jonathan 54:14

So you start winning, i do yeah, what we're going to do is going to make you you know, we're going to take you down to the field again and we're going to let you run around that track until you get it right.

Juan 54:22

I'm going to tie you to the fucking car.

Jonathan 54:26

God anyway. Well, i think, i think we've covered um, we've covered parenting there.

Juan 54:32

We could turn this into a booklet or like a, you know, a video episode of 40 plus amuses guide to parenting by Juan and featuring Juan E junior. Just in tears limping along After that insightful episode and, uh, all the little, all the little pearls are already giving out. Here we have John, our final for this week pearl of wisdom.

Jonathan 55:07

A hedgehog's word is final.

Juan 55:13

That's why we can't be dads.

Jonathan 55:17

It's quite a um, quite a full circle, this episode. We started off with a little prick and now we've finished off with a hedgehog.

Juan 55:24

I like it. I like it.

Jonathan 55:26

I'm off to the family planning clinic. See you later.