Jonathan Alden and Juan Miralles (and the Cats) are back with a new season of the hilarious and relatable podcast that celebrates the trials and tribulations of being in that 40+ zone of life!
As always the lads will be strad ling the wild ride of middle-age, juggling nostalgia for the past and trepidation for the future, all while hoping the present doesn't catch them off guard!
So, grab a drink, cozy up with your fur babies, and share the laughter, camaraderie, and a few sagging truths await.
Please rate and share this episode if you enjoyed it. This really helps us grow the pod!
If you have any questions for us, please email: 40plusandminuses@gmail.com
Follow us at the following @40plus_and_minuses_podcast
Jonathan Alden and Juan Miralles (and the Cats) are back with a new season of the hilarious and relatable podcast that celebrates the trials and tribulations of being in that 40+ zone of life!
As always the lads will be strad ling the wild ride of middle-age, juggling nostalgia for the past and trepidation for the future, all while hoping the present doesn't catch them off guard!
So, grab a drink, cozy up with your fur babies, and share the laughter, camaraderie, and a few sagging truths await.
Please rate and share this episode if you enjoyed it. This really helps us grow the pod!
If you have any questions for us, please email: 40plusandminuses@gmail.com
Follow us at the following @40plus_and_minuses_podcast
We're on, we're on.
Speaker 1:We're back the time has come.
Speaker 2:The time is now the time. Well, the time is now, and about four or five weeks ago as well, If we weren't so much working so rubbish with technology.
Speaker 1:I tell you what. Before we get into it, we better explain, for anyone who's new to all this, what the hell's going on. Sure? So this is 40 plus and minus his podcast. My name is Jonathan Olden and this is Juan Marais. Hello, hello, and we started this podcast back in. Where was it? March 2022, april 2022?
Speaker 2:23., 23. 23. We're not that.
Speaker 1:And it's basically just a little look at the pluses and minuses of being in your 40s, with Juan and I are in our 40s. We know each other for 20 odd years. Season one we had a little look at a list of 40 things you should have done by the time you're 40. And yeah, and then in season two, we sort of had a look at different things that affect us, different subjects that might affect some craggy old 40 old bastards yeah, 40, something that you're old, I should say. And we had a few moans of the week and a few little features. And then we took a summer break, didn't we, juan? We did. We were going to come back with a brand new, sparkly podcast on video guests and new features some kind of format.
Speaker 2:We really tried.
Speaker 1:We did really try. We've tried so many times to do this fucking video and it's just like technology has absolutely evaded us. We've signed up to zoom, we've signed up to something called Riverside, and the money we've tried to spend doing it and then it's just never worked.
Speaker 2:No, it's just, it's the delaying that it's like. It's just like it's like a second, second half delay, which is kind of all right if you're having a chat with someone, but when you're trying to bounce off each other and make jokes, it was the driest, crappiest episode I think we've ever done. It was just like nothing, nothing, oh yeah, and then the other person talks over and then again, and then again, utter rubbish.
Speaker 1:I don't think that the technology could take our stunning good looks. It just kind of it kind of froze, and went, aww, that's what it was. We've never seen two guys as gorgeous as this.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's just that. It's that Brad Pitt and his younger days like, oh my God, what do we do? And they just got a bit scared.
Speaker 1:So what we thought was stick to what you know, stick to what you know. And also a lot of our listeners both said to us no, a lot of the guys that listen to us listen on the move, like in a van or walking dogs or whatever, and so they're not going to be watching our videos anyway.
Speaker 2:Well, actually we'll probably do them a favor, because we don't want to kill people by the so interested in our videos, you know exactly and we can.
Speaker 1:Also we're going to do. We'll do some video stuff for social media and whatever.
Speaker 2:But anyway, without further ado, season three season three there was a point a couple, a few weeks, or was like. Are we going to make a season three Because this video is?
Speaker 1:not going well. No, no, no. I mean we, how many, honestly? We've recorded season three, episode one, four times, maybe more. We've attempted, and each one was different. Yeah, we've not. We've not sort of like, we're not good at taking stuff.
Speaker 2:We've actually, we've actually recorded it. I think we've got four episodes out of it. We don't, obviously, but we have got four recordings, but we, I think we attempted it a few more times and we just couldn't get to work at all.
Speaker 1:It's terrible, wasn't it? That's what happened.
Speaker 2:We need a 20 year old to sort the technology out, so we can see what you're always can actually use it, but yeah anyway.
Speaker 1:so it's been what July we finished.
Speaker 2:Yeah, july, I think it was July. Third, it keeps popping up.
Speaker 1:I listened to episode 10 again recently, like today or yesterday, and I was telling a story about a gig I did and I was like fucking, I remember that gig. That was ages ago. So there we go. Anyway, what I want to know is hot off the press now we're back is what? How was Henley? What happened?
Speaker 2:Oh, mate Henley, Did you love it. What the time of my life Did you wear a boater? Hat A boater. I wore three. It was amazing, I can honestly say.
Speaker 1:For those of you that don't know, before you carry on. One sorry is episode 10. One let us know that his, his partner, lovingly invited him along to Henley regatta, which is right up for one street Not, and he was thrilled about going, the prospect of going under the guise of this.
Speaker 2:This was the conversation, but you said you'd love to go to Henley. I was like when have I ever said that about anything? I don't remember anything.
Speaker 1:That's fucking true.
Speaker 2:I would love to, other than winning the lottery, is. We know that's about. That's about all. I said I would love to do that and I certainly wouldn't say like that. So, no, I pointed out the fact that I said I would do it, you know, which was different, obviously, but the original version of Henley wasn't what actually happened, you know, it was a lot more involved. By the time I got there, anyway, how was Henley? Well, we got to the. We got to where we're supposed to be, which was like, you know, henley, yeah, we did this little I don't know speedboat thing with champagne when I don't drink. So that was a waste of fucking time.
Speaker 1:Speed, hang on. I saw the video of this some speedboat thing with champagne. It's quite a swanky boat with like this.
Speaker 2:It's quite a swanky boat but like you know, drinking you just look around the guy cool Like it was cold, so I just sat there going I'm cold, and then Do not have your woolly hat on. Yeah, I did, yeah, I had to borrow, like Lizzie's, like shawl as well, to put around me because I was like I did, I did I did it shamelessly, because I was like these guys, once you've had a few drinks, as you know, you don't feel anything, anyway.
Speaker 2:So I was like, oh, it's fantastic. And then the talk like turn to fashion, which obviously I have a keen interest in. So it was. It was basically I just let them talk and they're all lovely. It's not what they do with them. I let them talk and I just, you know, sat there and was in then like we saw a load of the boat races. No, we didn't did either.
Speaker 1:Oh, boat races. I thought you said boy racers then.
Speaker 2:So no, we didn't watch any of the races apart from the final one. We didn't sit in the banks of the river, like we were going to do, and have a picnic, and they were drinks, so we just basically sat in a tent and had a few drinks and chatting about fashion.
Speaker 1:In my experience I'm hanging was very different. I didn't know that there were. There were actually boat races, very ignorant and there's only since you've said it, because my, my misses was had a couple of. She got commissioned to do a like an art installation thing there for one, for one of these stands and I actually say stands actually was evolving, the person they got they want to like music stands, like purple ones at different on these blue, on these plinths at different levels with, and then on each one there was like different music or different words. It meant some sort of told us story.
Speaker 1:Anyway it was quite a very simplistic but very effective, and so she did that. So I went along with her and we we'd sort of helped set that up, and then we went and got some drinks and then we just sat down and watched Jesse J in concert. That was it. I was like, was it right?
Speaker 2:See, I see, I tell you what I felt when I was there for real. I, just as soon as I got there, I was like I don't fit in here. I just immediately knew I was like I don't fit in here at any level.
Speaker 1:That's like me and Super Dry. I don't fit in here all the clothes.
Speaker 2:The champagne was flowing, the conversation about shit was going on. I was like God.
Speaker 1:I'm just so scared. Tell me you weren't having this small talk that you hate Honestly. I know everyone's been really nice.
Speaker 2:I know everyone's really nice, but when people talk to me they don't know what else to say, obviously, other than so. How's the acting going? I'm like sitting next to you in a fucking boat and Henley and I can't afford the champagne. That's how well it's going.
Speaker 1:Johnny Holly sticks. I said Holly sticks.
Speaker 2:I saw the people you were with.
Speaker 1:They look pretty cool. They look kind of, you know, on trend with it, you know.
Speaker 2:Well they are, and they're really nice people. They are on trend. I'm so off-trend I'm probably coming back around again and probably in fashion again from about 50 years. I don't know.
Speaker 1:No, but we are, though, because the 90s is back in. I sort of I get that fashion.
Speaker 2:I don't think I did the 90s very well when I was in them, so I'm not sure I was a fat kid. I was doing whatever fitted.
Speaker 1:Whatever, I wasn't there. We were the flip reverser in the 90s. We did this podcast then and we'd be the opposite way around, because I was doing all the sports, I was slim, I was constantly active, I was playing sports.
Speaker 2:I was just out of breath. Yeah, well, I can identify with that.
Speaker 1:We'll come to that in a bit. Speaking of which, I've had a real 40s moment this week, well, last three weeks actually. So you know we talked before.
Speaker 2:we've been listening before we talk about things that change and you know you said have you got any aches and pains? Now I was like, yeah, well, you know, not really, but only from exercise, because I don't even know. Yeah, benjamin Button, I remember, yeah, so I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure I remember.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I went to a kickboxing class and I was like again, I was jumping around like I was a fucking legend and I was winning, and I was like point, point, point, this is great. And everyone's like, oh, he's so fast. I was like, yeah, I started thinking my hamstring feels a little bit tight. It never does. I was not tight, just like tired. I was like never feels that. I was like I'll be all right.
Speaker 2:Anyway, at the end of the class I put my foot down on the floor, often like you know, just a little bit stretching, do a few kicks my foot. I was like what's that in my knee? Like I don't know how I did it. I don't know how I did it, I don't know when I did it, but I strained the ligaments in my knee to the point where I could barely walk out of the kickboxing class. I had to ice it. Three weeks later I still can't go back and it's only just recovering. I was like that's how you know you're getting old. I've had an injury that I don't even remember doing. I don't remember doing it.
Speaker 1:There's been time in the last three years where I've actually pulled my back, put my socks on I'm not even joking or I've literally gone to like open the door and get a utensil out of the door and gone oh fuck, I'm going to get a new one. I'm going to get a utensil out of the door and gone oh fuck, I'm going to get on my back, but I've started doing this football on a Tuesday night, so it's called man vs Football. Well, no, it's called man vs Fat. It's called the overall thing.
Speaker 2:It's called man vs Football.
Speaker 1:Is this something you started in the summer? I started it after we finished the season two. Do you know?
Speaker 2:why this is? It's because I think we've slightly mentioned it in one of the other incarnations of this particular pod. I was thinking, yeah, we have.
Speaker 1:I've mentioned this when we recorded one of the four attempts, but um, but yes, I started it and it's basically it's seven aside every Tuesday night and you play against other teams. But before you play you have to go and weigh in and if you lose weight you gain like half a goal for your team and if you've done your track in, that's like another half a goal. And then if you hit a set of milestones, you get hatchets, you get three goals, all sorts of stuff. But if you put on weight and go over your starting weight, so if you can get an own goal and all this stuff, so there's a score on the pitch and then there's a score on the scales and then there's an overall score and obviously the overall score wins that match.
Speaker 2:So it can be like 35-22?
Speaker 1:Yeah you can win, like you can win 4-1 on the pitch, but lose like 15-9 or something on the on the because of the scales, and that happens quite a bit. But it's um. But it's good though, because you're sort of like you're, you're spurred on, you know, by your teammates and stuff and like it's, so it's really good. But then if you've had a week where you haven't, you know, you haven't quite done it.
Speaker 1:It's a fucking horrible feeling. You go, you turn that guy and I'll fucking let him down. Let him down, you know, and recently, which we'll get on to I've had a very, very stressful couple of months, very, very stressful, and so I've been. So I've actually lost weight, you know, consistently for the first few weeks and then the last couple of weeks I've I haven't, but I haven't put on that much of stuff, I just haven't lost. And then I've also then had a couple of weeks about to miss and stuff. And but the reason I'm talking about it is because a couple of the well, two or three of the lads now listen to the podcast or the back catalog off, and that's a little bit of listening in hopefully I do the game and everything's fine.
Speaker 1:And I had two weeks ago, three weeks ago, I had a game where I had about two or three I play in defense, really, but in that team but I got into almost like in a midfield position they have a shot, I have a shot. So I had a good, some pretty, you know good shots outside. They didn't go in or anything, but they were powerful. That's better that way.
Speaker 1:But just from doing that. The next day, my knee oh my God, the fucking pain in it. And then last week I played the game. I came home I stood in the kitchen talking to Mrs and I suddenly just went oh my God, what's wrong with you. You just collapsed. I was like no, I know. I said I keep it's. My knee keeps giving way. I don't even know what's happening and I'm like but then I'm thinking about it, my weight going through my knees. Apparently your weight through your knees is like 10 times your weight or something when you're running.
Speaker 2:Yeah, apparently fast bowlers, it's 10 times their weight goes through their brace like a cricket. That's madness.
Speaker 1:You don't want to be big, let's be honest, I'm 21 stone, that's 210 stone going through my knees my 43 year old crappy knee which were fucked as a kid. Anyway, I played so much football as a kid that my knees were screwed anyway. I've told that story before about having loose ligaments and they all took a piss at me. But like honestly so anyway, but it's, but I'm enjoying it, because cricket was a wash out this season Didn't happen. There's so many rains off days.
Speaker 1:And there's good, yeah, so I think I played like twice or three times Weird that in a while doesn't it Shit every time I played. And you know, in the times I did play, my best mate was there and he was a dickhead, as always. So, yeah, so that was fun, but yeah, so it's good that you've joined us. They won Welcome.
Speaker 2:Well, it's healing. I'm doing rehab on it. It's actually getting a lot better. It's all good, it's healing, I'll get there. I'll be back, yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh, mate. So what else? What else has been going on for you since July, then, apart from going to the gym and doing spings? We all know you do that.
Speaker 2:I did. I started working full time. Every fucking episode it's in every episode I've listened to. Oh yeah, because I teach spin and go to the gym. That's my life, that's what I do, it's all our lives, now as well.
Speaker 1:Huh, it's all our fucking lives as well, mate. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, enjoy.
Speaker 1:What have I?
Speaker 2:done. This summer I didn't go on holiday, that was a planned dinner, so that was good.
Speaker 1:No, we didn't go on holiday. We should have gone on holiday together, but we didn't.
Speaker 2:I know I keep looking at holidays like as if by looking at them, somehow someone's gonna send me a ticket.
Speaker 1:It is difficult, though, when you're high flying, successful people. It's very hard to find time.
Speaker 2:It's hard to get away from all the businesses that I run. Yeah, I tell I did realise this summer. Really, really, I need someone to just sort my life out, to look after me. I can't do it. Yeah, you do. I turn around and I look at the flat and I go why is no one cleaned up? It's fucking me in it.
Speaker 1:It's fucking me. You need a Mrs Danfire.
Speaker 2:Oh, mate, honestly, I just want someone to come in, hello, dear, and just be like oh, I know exactly where all this goes. I'm gonna make it look perfect. Here you go, and it's exactly how you would want it. Great, thank you. Because I look around and go shit, I've got to do this and then I need to set it as a task. Go right, you've got one hour to get it all done, including putting the dinner on and including like blah, blah, blah. And I've got right, let's go and it becomes a fucking mission, like it's a task and I do it like I'm in Crystal Maze or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm the same, and then I do it like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam bam and like, yes, I've achieved it, it's all clean, dinner's done, everything's amazing. Now I've got to go to work Fucking shatter. But it's all right, I keep going and then it just happens again, slowly, goes the same way over the next week, and then I set myself another task to clean up the following week.
Speaker 1:Well, I heard there was a technique that somebody said that you're supposed to just like do a room or an area a day and that's it. So, like on a Monday you do like your kitchen, and on Tuesday and if, by doing that, you constantly keep a reasonably tidy house, because I'm the same as you I leave it all and then I have to do it all in about an hour or something.
Speaker 2:Even if I've got five hours, I'll still wait probably four hours, but where's the fun in that?
Speaker 1:though there isn't fun in it, it's just the only way to get a fucking ass to do anything, but that's what I don't like as well. Hey, do you want to hear about my day today? Go for it. Oh, mate, you'd be. So I was in for one of my rare shifts at the farm I work at and for those of you who haven't listened before, this is a farm that has self-catering cottages, horse riding and activities and stuff and I just help out, sort of do a part time, maybe once a week or something off his job there, but I also help with whatever else is needed activities and stuff Fill in for whatever animals are missing at the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I might do like a lead walk where you sort of sit a kid on a horse and you walk him along and they walk back in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they sit on your shoulders.
Speaker 1:Not too dissimilar to a donkey ride, really, would you say.
Speaker 2:If the animals are missing, they just jump on your shoulders Like yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Today you're going to ride a mammoth.
Speaker 2:This is John. We don't know what he is, but get on his back anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah right yeah, anyway, so going. Today I have a phone call and our stable manager is a good mate of mine. She suffers really badly with migraines, to the point that we've got a printed sheets at work of what to do when it happens, because she's that severe, like she'd go. You know, it's like I've seen it. I've seen it happen. It's pretty scary. She's like you know, some people get migraines, but she's gone.
Speaker 2:And Is any of it like? Just get on with it no, no, no, no, man up relax.
Speaker 1:But her man rang in and said oh, you know, she's really unwell, so she wasn't coming in. So I called the rest of the stable team that weren't in and said any chance? No, no, no, no. So I was like I'm going to have to do it. So this is it, because you only have one girl in Gabby. And so I was like right, that's it.
Speaker 1:So I've spent half the day in the office trying to catch up on anything that was going on in the office, which was very hard to do. The rest of the time I was fucking feeding pigs, feeding sheep. I took a whole lesson on my own. I called introduction to ponies. I'm like oh my God, that's his head, there's his tail, he's got four feet. They went how old is it? I went 18. I think she is 18. I was like I don't know. And they went what is it? It's a Welsh pony. That it's a Welsh pony. And then I had to take the kid on the back of a horse on my own, often fucking across a commons, somewhere, like with the parents, like. But I was just like. I was like okay, so make sure you sit up straight and make sure that you walk on completely.
Speaker 2:That can't be. I mean, surely you're not insured to do that?
Speaker 1:No, I am. No, I am because I wasn't teaching horse. I'm down there as an instructor for activities anyway. So that level, that level because all it is is like the horse is tied up and they sort of groom it with like brushes, hair brushes, main brushes, fur, and then they go on a lead walk, which I do all the time. So no, I am insured and I've DBS and everything else, but normally I've got one of the other instructors there because as a thank you it's only like a small pony, I think.
Speaker 1:And then I'm down in the arena with the other instructor because he got two horses down there and she's like, yeah, we're doing walking and stopping, and then they start to trot in, but then you have to run the horse around with them. So I started to get me running around this fucking massive arena with this massive horse and I'm going like, fuck it. I mean I love animals but I don't. You know horses I'm getting used to. But I am thinking, have you seen me? I'm like, but actually I wasn't. That I breathed. She was worse than me. She's only 23 or 21 or something. What?
Speaker 2:the horse.
Speaker 1:But you know, yeah, no, the instructor. But I was just like, what the fuck am I doing? So I spent all day doing that and I was two hours late leaving work. Nice, I was like, oh God, hilarious. But anyway, there we go.
Speaker 2:Is that my day to air? This reminds me of this, reminds me of like that. Don't trust the people. Don't trust anyone when you go to shops or go to any of these events. Don't trust that that's the person to speak to. I used to work in home base, right, and I was 16. Now anyone who knows me knows I have zero skill when it comes to DIY and zero like yeah, you mentioned that I just don't.
Speaker 2:I don't enjoy it, I'm shit at it. I'm happy to be shit at it. I worked in home base I think I'm gonna have a total of this one and people used to come up and ask me about like paint and shit.
Speaker 2:And I was supposed to be one of the like the so-called experts, because I've done some five minute course and I had a fucking clue. So I used to go it's just around here. I'd go run around the corner quickly, look at the back of the paint or the tar, whatever it was, read it down really quickly, instructions there's telling the instructions back and they'd go great. Thanks, mate. I'm like yeah, no worries, not a fucking clue.
Speaker 1:Nothing.
Speaker 2:I'd know I'd so little knowledge. The most I could do by the time I left that was mix paint. That's because you basically just looked in there and went one milliliter of this, three millilitres of this, and press like, put the lid on, press, start, and it mixed it for you. That was it. That was my entire skill. That came out of about two years of working at home base.
Speaker 1:I saw a video the other day of somebody doing that by hand but like I think it was like maybe in like India or somewhere, and they took him like this car and had this little metallic sort of racing green color to it. A bit of stuff in it and he went all these little bits and I mixed it up and went boom, exactly. I was like fucking hell, that was like incredible.
Speaker 2:It is incredible I could do that at home, base on our 16. Yeah, yeah, gosh good.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, other things that are new since we've last recorded. So, as you may know, if you've listened to this podcast religiously that Juan has a lovely cat called Monty I do, and I have a lovely cat called Bubbs and they're on our imagery and stuff and it's great. We've since got two more cats and so we were thinking, right, we got this little indoor cat, he's lovely. Another one came up and we were okay, we could do another one. Maybe let's go and have a look and see. We're just, you know.
Speaker 2:Well, your exact words were, if I jump in, there were we're gonna have a look at a rescue cat. But you know, we're not necessarily gonna get it, we're just thinking, we're just gonna have a look. You know Well you basically needed.
Speaker 1:You know I needed fostering and stuff anyway. But I thought, okay, well, we can look and see if we can help wherever. So we go all the way over to Swindon to see this cat and we walk in this room. He's in with these three other cats, two of which are hiding under the bed, so we didn't see them, and then this other little cat's just let's start there. And I was like, and he was so cute and so needy and so like I just need love, and I thought he was so scrawny and I just went, oh no, so I bonded. I instantly bonded with him, like about 30 seconds, and I was thinking, oh God, I don't know if I maybe should take that one instead, and I felt a bit bad. And then my Mrs goes, we could just take the both. I was like, okay. So we ended up taking both and they're absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 1:But two weeks we've only had in what? Eight or nine weeks now, two weeks into having them, all these underlying health things we didn't know about which just came to light, and the last eight or nine weeks they have been in and out of that slight overnight stays like illnesses. Both of them are now with specialists that are two hours away in different medications They've had, they're still ongoing, all these pills, medications one of them had a feeding tube in for a while and the money, the money that they've cost in insurance, in vet's fees, is like we're talking like thousands. Thankfully the insurance has just come through on it. They said no initially and we were like what I'm going to have to sell a kidney, but then, as it turned out, the insurance popped through and they're going to hopefully cover it Well.
Speaker 2:Luckily though, the podcast is making thousands, so we're both pretty much there.
Speaker 1:Well, that's why I wasn't worried.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So it, oh, I was speaking of which, holy shit, I was literally about to say. So if you hear a little meow at some point tonight, there you go. This will be, this will be a little be, a little Arthur who comes to tell me that he needs food or everything, and he's just as I was about to say it on Q there is. So, yeah, but they're lovely. But it's been quite a journey and it's almost giving me an insight to kids that we don't have yet. But when?
Speaker 2:when else we have the feeding?
Speaker 1:tubing and we have to do four, is it eight? Four hourly feed. So I had to feed him at half midnight, half one in the morning, half eight in the morning, so on. I was sleeping down on the sofa getting out. Doing that I was like this is what it's like in it, this is what it's like but but yeah, so nice one from complete dog person in three years to a full on full, fully fledged cat dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah you've got, you've, you've changed, you've gone full circle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm like I'm not even nice. We so nervous the cats and unsure and stuff, and now I'm just like you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you were like that with a little bit with Monty right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then fight me, I still take it personally when Monty scratches me or bites me sometimes. You take surprise?
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're only playing in no, no, I'm like what are you? Doing. Oh yeah, sorry yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so that's, that's been fun. Anyway, I tell you what we need to do, because we've planned out this brand new format. Anyway, we need to do one of our old classic features from season two and then a bit of season one. What don't miss a cop, don't miss a cough. Yeah, we're using.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the cough's gone. Amazing, it was fucking months ago the cough's gone, yeah, but it lasted for a whole season. I didn't last in about three, four episodes.
Speaker 1:And then yeah, for the list of the editor. You know, whatever, Whatever Monty about fucking editing.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna fucking. I'm gonna get a cough now Fuck it. I'm gonna hang around all the kids with coughs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you probably will. You don't go to the doctor. You have any flu jab this year.
Speaker 2:Shut up with flu. Jab Kidding are you.
Speaker 1:Are you you?
Speaker 2:get a flu jab.
Speaker 1:I have it every year.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 1:To protect me against the flu.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but like 70 years old.
Speaker 1:No, but we used to get. When you go on tours and stuff, you get them, don't you? The company get them for you and stuff.
Speaker 2:I do, I'm out of leads.
Speaker 1:That's why your hair's falling out.
Speaker 2:That's true, the hair couldn't take it. This guy, this guy's fucking rock solid.
Speaker 1:I'm convinced every time they give me an injection, they can just inflate a bit more air into me.
Speaker 2:Because if I put weight on for this injection, that's just good.
Speaker 1:I tell you what, before we move on to that feature, I was listening to a bit of season one and we're talking about all the things we haven't done this last year. I've just gone, fucking like reverted back to all the old shit. I'm fucking. I still haven't lost anyway. I'm still not getting fucking money, I'm getting fucking work. I'm sitting there going what the fuck is going on in my life. I'm doing what I can do. I can get by and do stuff. You just get shafted left, right and centre. I told you lottery. Anyway, talking about that, that's not the feature we're doing, but we can do this feature, which is the moment of the week. Go on then, juan. What is your moment of the week? My first Season three episode one.
Speaker 2:So I don't know if I've mentioned this, john, but I work at a gym. Fuck off, do you? Yeah, yeah, seriously, yeah, I know you wouldn't know, would you? Maybe I'll tell you more about it. But yeah, it's not specific to the gym, but this one came up out of the gym, but you might as well mention it anyway, I'll mention it anyway.
Speaker 1:Not specific to the gym, I'll just drop it in there. So I was at the Butchers.
Speaker 2:This is a person out of the gym and we basically have to. There's a piece of equipment that's just been brought into the gym that is in the morning Only one.
Speaker 2:That's a shit gym. I know it's fucking awful. It's just a big room. Everyone looks at each other and say why are we still fat? I don't know, maybe there's a cake stand behind you. So I'm here, I'm in a cafe, so it's yeah.
Speaker 2:So there's a piece of equipment in the gym. It's in the way, right, properly in the way, because we haven't figured out where to put it yet. So when they just when the company that come in, they just basically put it in a place we can't move it. And it's proper. Everyone's like when are you going to move this? It's taking up loads of space for, like the stretching area. And you know, we feel like, yeah, we need to move it. You're right, isn't working there. So we called the company. They're coming to collect and sort it out. Yeah, so I'm sitting on the reception desk and someone comes up to start to tell me oh, that piece of equipment, like it's really in the way. And I was like yes, I know we've discussed it. It's definitely moving. It's going to be next week of the week after they come in to pick it up. It's like great, because. And I was like I thought I'd just address this.
Speaker 2:Right and I had that three times that morning and then a lot since. My moment of the week is if someone has resolved the issue, don't carry on telling them your fucking problem because it's resolved, just because you feel like they need to get it out. Go tell your friend Buy to sit there and listen to the same fucking story three times and three different people. Worst thing is this guy had already said he said it to every member of stuff and had the same response from every member of stuff, but he still felt the need to tell me about it. I looked and I was like I know you've said this already and part of me just I just want to throw this fucking computer at you. I was like I had to sit there and nod my head. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Why You've asked me something. I've told you that I know about it and I'm dealing with it or it's being dealt with. And then it's like I have those calls sometimes that the job I do, and they bring up and say something. You go and you tell them all the information you know and then you get to a point. You say so, as I say that that's all I know at the moment. But I'm going to have to now refer this onto the other person because they're not until tomorrow, friday or whatever, they'll be able to then do this, this and this and I'll get back to you. Yeah, because you never know. And I'm like, yeah, but as I said, I can't, that's as much as I can, and they just won't get off the phone. You're like I had one today.
Speaker 1:She rang up. She was like looking to do horse riding for my two year old tomorrow. You got any space? I can't do anything. I said well, it's all booked online. You need to book on. Are you registered? Yeah, yeah, I'm not at home. No, so I went okay, well, I can try and add it on. I said, but it's not coming up. Anyway, I says I'll need to ring someone else. Okay, but it's his birthday tomorrow, so just want to get stuff organized.
Speaker 2:I was like if it's your birthday tomorrow, what the fuck are you ringing up today? Then?
Speaker 1:Yeah, You're a fucking dickhead Anyway but she ran back again and then it's the same thing again, I, was like, as I said, I haven't spoken to the person yet because you know, a few people aren't in today, but I will do and I will call you back and say but I think it's because of this that you're not seeing it. But I said I need to check, okay, if you can, because it's his birthday.
Speaker 2:Is it? Is it his birthday?
Speaker 1:No, and behold, it was what I thought it was. And I rang her back and told her she's like okay, so there's nothing you can do then, because it is his birthday, so that again.
Speaker 2:I'm there, I can kill you, but that, but why? I don't understand it. What is it? It's obviously a thing. It's people's thing. And the thing is, on the same day this older gentleman was leaving the gym and asked me the same question and I said yeah, we know it's same, same response. I was like yeah, we know, we've called up the gym company. They're coming to move it, hopefully next week, because I can see it's the way he went. Oh well, great, at least it's getting resolved and walked out.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh my God, thank you so much. Yeah, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Honestly, these people what they're trying to do is they're trying to get freebies or money off or something.
Speaker 2:Oh, he's telling me. I've been at this gym for 20 years. You know we are, we're always been, members here, and you know it's just, I've been in this conversation for 20 years.
Speaker 1:That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 2:I was like I thought I was living Groundhog Day, not the funny bits, just like fuck you know it goes into the same thing where you're listening to somebody and you've got their point. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you try to interject to say okay and they just they have to finish what they have to. It's like no, I know you can say that, yeah, but can you, can you please just let me speak, can you please let me finish? I'm like, yeah, come on then. So they finish in like, okay, yeah, so, as I was saying, I've already got this like fucking 10 minutes ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but no, no, no, I need to say my feet, but you can even mention what they're going to say. They can even go, oh yeah. You mean? You mean the I don't know, you mean the tennis racket. So yeah, can I just finish? So blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:The tennis they've rehearsed it. They've rehearsed yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm like the ten, so it is the tennis racket. Yeah, I was fucking five minutes in my life. I'm never going to get back. What the fuck.
Speaker 1:Come on, jesus.
Speaker 2:Christ, I'm not a young anymore. Like I need these five minutes you know, a couple of weeks ago, if it, you know, I could have saved money that I could have been stretching in those five minutes and maybe I wouldn't have hurt money. But yes, that's my mode of the week People having to complete shit, that, even though it's already been resolved, don't tell me. Just stop and say thank you. If I don't do it, come back and tell me afterwards. Fine, by all means.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's something they're saying that you haven't actually addressed or you've missed, and they go no, thank you for that. But there's also this other bit, which is why I'm saying it, because actually I know you're going to do something about it, but my kid ran into it the other day and he's now dead.
Speaker 2:So and I'd say what a fucking idiot. Not anymore.
Speaker 1:But to put it that way, the one you have next won't, because we'll move it.
Speaker 2:Someone offered to move it. You know they went. Well, I can just move it. This guy was being a bit of a bravado and I was like you can't. He was like no, I'll move it over, where do you want it? I was like mate, it weighs about 130 kilos. Like I said it took four of us. I was looking, he was smaller than me. I was like you can't move it.
Speaker 2:And he looked genuinely like a bit put out by us. Like what are you talking about? You cannot move this machine, yeah, but anyway, there you go. So, john, give me a moment of the week. What's yours?
Speaker 1:Well, as you know, juan, I live in Wales now and the Welsh, the Welsh Assembly government, in their infinite wisdom, recently decided to make all well, mostly all 30 mile an hour speed limit zones, now 20 miles an hour, and some of the reasons they give for here there's a little frequently asked questions on their on their helpful website. Why did you introduce the 20 mile an hour speed limit on residential roads and busy possession streets across Wales? Well, the evidence from around the world is very clear. Around the world. What do you want to make? How could you can't compare, like you know, or central India, like Delhi, or something, to swan, to Swansea, or Cardiff or wherever. I mean you can't. It's like, it's ridiculous because anyway, whatever, different roads, different things. So decreasing speeds will reduce collisions, save lives and reduce injuries, helping to improve the quality of life and make our streets and local community safer for all. And it's like, since there'll be 40% fewer collisions, six to 10 lives saves, bothered, and is that a year?
Speaker 2:Yeah?
Speaker 1:Six to 10 lives for those six to 10 people.
Speaker 2:It's not great, but let's be honest, you probably shouldn't. You probably drunk and walked out on the road, but like six to 10. Yeah, if it said like even 60 to 100, I'd go yeah, but I don't know, of course saving lives. Saving lives whatever fine, go for it.
Speaker 1:But like then, it says make your streets safer for playing, walking and cycling. Why are you playing the street? Why are you playing the street nowadays? We're not in 1954. 1942. What fucking fuck off. And then also making it safer for walking and cycling. They've got designated fucking lanes and walking places. And then the other one is why is it not just outside schools? Because it's trying to protect the children on their whole journey home. Have you seen these fuckers walking home? They literally there's a pedestrian crossing and they're fucking 50 yards away from it running into the street. I was like, save the money on all the fucking signage and build railings on the side of the road and stop the fucking gate up, because the problem with it is is these fuckers were already driving slow enough in Wales.
Speaker 1:Now they drive 20 miles an hour in every fucking speed limit. So we go from a 20 to a 40, they still drive a fucking 20.
Speaker 2:That's happening around here as well, and it's like what are you fucking doing?
Speaker 1:Honestly, you know, I fucking annoyed.
Speaker 2:I get things I am apoplectic in the car nowadays I'm like I'm doing exactly the same thing in my car, but I tell you I don't understand right. 20 miles an hour is ridiculous. It's so difficult to drive.
Speaker 1:Anyone who's got a driving job bus drivers, taxi drivers, delivery drivers are going out there fucking mind the most.
Speaker 2:So it's like almost impossible. I mean, you've got cyclists going past you at like 25 miles an hour. I'm like this is absolutely ridiculous. Why is?
Speaker 1:there. A cyclist in a country In really built up areas fine, If it's like really congested streets and you know like central London places and stuff like that, it don't have 20 miles an hour, doesn't feel that slow. But when you're more like rural, kind of like, the population of Wales is less than the population of London.
Speaker 2:And some of these places are so fucking rural.
Speaker 1:there's no one there and it's like what? Like you're going up into the valleys or in this 20 mile an hour road, like these hills and stuff, maybe crawling up there, you can't. It's like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:There's big. There's big roads, like big roads around here. It's fairly like suburban here, like going out towards country like Surrey, and yeah, this is stuck in 20 miles an hour on like just just one big section of the road. No fucking reason. 30, 20, 30, 20, 40, 30, 20, all on the same stretch of road. What's that about?
Speaker 1:But it's all. It's the wording of this. The introduction of the 20 mile an hour speed limit costs 32 million pounds. The cost is like, weighed by the casualty prevention savings, including the reduced impact on NHS and emergency services. One study, one study, not all of them. One study estimates estimates the savings could be up to 92 million pounds a year. Fucking bullshit, what are you?
Speaker 2:talking about. I figure that if six to 10 people dying a year on the roads, right, yeah, how does that equate to 92 million, if that's how much people are worth six to 10 people? So let's say it's 10 people, they're worth 9.2 million pounds.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but they're also saying that they're going to save 12 to 2000 people avoiding injury as well, which is quite a significant amount. But I'm not against trying to make the road safer for everyone. But the people are going to drive like absolute assholes anyway and drive over the speed limit stupidly. They're going to do that anyway, regardless of the super 20 miles an hour. Everyone else is going to get ready to drive over the speed limit. Most of them do anyway. Everyone's getting really frustrated about it and also it's causing so much stop-start and congestion. And then these people and a lot of it is older people as well they're so terrified they're going to get it wrong. They just drive 20 miles an hour everywhere 15, that's why I'm driving 15.
Speaker 1:I'll go 20 miles an hour for these two roads, but when we get into a 40 or a 50, fucking drive to the speed limit because we've all got somebody to get to it does my fucking head in the fucking cyclist.
Speaker 2:Between that, the cyclist, the fucking mate. I honestly, part of me is thinking when this car, when the lease runs out on this car, do I just fucking let it go, because I can't?
Speaker 1:be asked to fucking drive it. Yeah, it's mad.
Speaker 2:Well, that guess. That's what they want, isn't it? They want everyone to fucking stop.
Speaker 1:They do, they want everyone to start and then we can all be in like the driverless cars and all going on public transport and making controllers even more, but you know do you understand that If it wasn't about money, if it was really about safety.
Speaker 2:You know what they do they put limiters in every. Why does your car go up to 140 miles an hour If you maximum you can ever drive is 70.?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just put a limit. By the way, I've just realised that I might not even be talking to you after that video we watched.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 1:That AI video where now they can get three seconds of your voice. So now you don't pictorial and video evidence in terms of law is now obsolete, really, because they can fake everything now. So voices and things. So until we actually can do this podcast in person, you could be fucking anyone. It could be anyone, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I mean, if I'm not hilarious, then worry that it's not me. Oh shit, I know, thankfully, thankfully. It's like comedy. What have you done with him?
Speaker 1:Where is he? Yeah, but yeah, it's crazy. It's a new world. I said to you the other day, I watched a bit of Bats of the Future and I got properly reminiscent about the pre-social media, pre-internet, pre-mobile phone days. I was like we were lucky to have experienced that, I know.
Speaker 2:I really appreciate it and they foresaw a future, that. But obviously they didn't see social media, of course they didn't. So people were actually talking to each other, whereas, like now, if that was the real, not even 2015, like now, you know, you'd look at it and to know what it would even be talking, would it? It would be well, like is the film?
Speaker 1:be a lot more boring, wouldn't it?
Speaker 2:It wouldn't bother. Yeah, Be cyberbullying.
Speaker 1:Mental man, absolutely mental, yeah, so that's our Mone of the Weeks. Back with the vengeance. Yeah, 20 mile an hour zones and people who don't fucking listen and have to mone even though you've resolved what they want to be talking about.
Speaker 2:People have to mone on our Mone of the Week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, the listeners like yeah, fucking knew what you were talking about fucking 10 minutes ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as soon as you start like oh, this one, and we should explain it for another 10 minutes each. But anyway, we're back. That's the main thing.
Speaker 1:We're back, we've got some new episodes to listen to, and this time we're going to do some like proper social media and anyway, if you're listening to this, please share this with your friends, please tell them about us. Put the word out there, because podcast platforms don't do that. It just sits there.
Speaker 2:They don't know, they might almost obey them apparently.
Speaker 1:We've got a nice little amount of loyal, regular listeners.
Speaker 2:What we did out until we got offered for three months.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, but we have like in all seriousness we have, but we obviously want to get out there even more and stuff and we're having really nice responses. We're also going to start, or attempt to start, a Patreon, so we can do some extra features and get some money, yeah.
Speaker 2:So we can get a little studio, so we can do this more regularly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, get a studio, get a producer, and then what we're going to do is do some.
Speaker 2:We have merch that currently only we have, but it's there I'm wearing the T-shirt.
Speaker 1:I'm sitting on the T-shirt, but.
Speaker 2:I am drinking from the mug. I have the mug. 40 plus or minus is mug, yeah, and it is really effective on video.
Speaker 1:But now we're back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your video. This looked great. You guys should have seen it.
Speaker 1:We were legends.
Speaker 2:But we could just be describing anything. I could be wearing a bikini and telling you I'm wearing the T-shirt.
Speaker 1:You might be, but your AI is making you wear a silly hat and jumper.
Speaker 2:Well, that's what's going on. I'm actually sitting here naked like surrounded by naked girls, but thankfully AI has just put me here in the podcast.
Speaker 1:I don't know why I tell these stories on this podcast, but I'm going to do it. I got in from work tonight, obviously two hours late home from work. The Mrs is gone, she's working, she's going back to visit her mom tonight, so I got these cats.
Speaker 1:Two of them have got a splotch of diarrhea at the moment because they're not very well and they're all got pills. So I come in after doing meds through all this one meds for that one. One of them goes and has his diarrhea. Fine, clean it up in the literature. The other one is proper, explosive. It keeps doing it like into literature. He goes up the fucking wall on the fucking floor. Oh God, it's like a Jackson Pollock, fucking pictures, ridiculous.
Speaker 1:So I thought, right, I've done everything. Brilliant. I went upstairs. I thought, before I eat and do anything, I need to have a shower. It's a stink of horses, everything else, I thought brilliant. So I went upstairs no one else here, all the curtains are shut.
Speaker 1:I thought, right, I just took off all my clothes. What a lovely image, listener. Took off all my clothes. If you can imagine a Christmas ham, a bit like that, with a bit more hair, no, joking. But I took off all my clothes, had my towel came down and I noticed that the curtains were still open in the living room. I thought I'll just pop in there to draw the curtains. And in here we've got a liturgy. And I turned the light on and fuck me, it was like someone had been to the fucking what's that one they used to do on the children's TV. So fucking do the slime and stuff, all the crinkly bottom. Anyway, he'd shut in the little tray up against the front, on the side, up the back, over on the floor on the wall. I was like, fuck, it's not a salt glass. He's been on this paint killer which is causing. We stopped it as of yesterday, two days ago, hopefully you'll get better now.
Speaker 1:But I thought, okay, fine, so I cleaned it up. So, bearing in mind I'm doing this naked now, right, so I'm cleaning it all up. Got it all up, cleaned it all up, we've got the antibacterial wipes and everything else, but I still have everything in the litter tray which I then need to take through, and we've actually got litter that you can put down the toilet and stuff. So I'll take it into the bathroom and do that. But as I go through there's a wall and then there's a narrow gap between that and the sofa, so the tub, the original cat is sitting right in the corner of the sofa, so to squeeze by him, I have to sort of tuck myself in, and by doing that the litter tray touches against my stomach and I missed a bit of shit and I had fucking cat shit all over my fucking stomach.
Speaker 1:Oh, can life get any fucking lower than this? So I'm a 43 year old, fat, naked man with cat shit on his belly. I was like I thought I got to quite a few loads recently in the last few weeks, but that was it. I see it in it. I can't really get much lower than that. My Mr said can you imagine if the doorbell went in that point. You just gone off, fuck it and open the door like hi yeah.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:Fully naked. Oh mate, what a joke.
Speaker 2:See I was worried about do you ever get this? When, like obviously you get out of the shower and the cats there so you've got three of them at one and before you get things on, like obviously cats like you know they play with like fucking toys and everything I go what Shut up and they kind of like the cat, the monster has tried to swipe my legs, like, say, are you going to feed me? One day he came so close, so close to swiping somewhere that would have really hurt. I was like you little fucker.
Speaker 1:So I'm doing it. I'm like underwear on.
Speaker 2:What's that? Your knees, my knees. Yeah, exactly, I said underwear on, but I started wearing it I was like what if he just fucking jumps for it? That's just gonna hurt so fucking much.
Speaker 1:Listen, if you walk in the system wrapping a pink feather around the end of it, you've got no one to blame but yourself.
Speaker 2:And that little bell.
Speaker 1:What's that about, did you?
Speaker 2:My only fans. It's called pink feather penis. Look it up.
Speaker 1:I think, if the Mrs ever sees sense and leaves me, which is probably not far away, I think I'm going to start on my own cycle. Lonely Fats, lonely Fats, lonely Fats, lonely Fats, I tell you.
Speaker 2:You should do that If you ever do like in this situation. If you are going to like, right, I'm going to leave, that's it. Or she could do the same thing. Just because the cats are the way they are, just shit up the wall and walking. Know that she's going to clean it up.
Speaker 1:No, you send the message. Don't tell them you leave it and say good news, alfie's poo solid again. It looks really great. I've left in the literature for you to see and it's a massive turn that you've left in there with a note stuck in it. Goodbye, see you later, thanks. Thanks for the room. Look at her.
Speaker 2:But um, oh nice, you'd have to shit on a pillow wouldn't you? You'd have to put it in the pillowcase. You didn't know where it was.
Speaker 1:You said this before you know. You said this on an episode before about shit in the pillowcase. You're missing. I'm going to be like fucking getting into bed again.
Speaker 2:I'm talking about new fans right.
Speaker 1:Talking about new fans, I've had quite a few conversations recently with people. In this current climate we're in, with the cost of living, everyone's like just this fucking only fans, because you think about it, these fucking people night, these you know youngsters are getting on there and they're only fucking thousands, if not millions.
Speaker 2:I think the key was in the first word.
Speaker 1:you said that these youngsters yeah, but there's a niche of it. People go there and sell pictures of their feet.
Speaker 2:If anyone buys a picture of my feet, they've got issues.
Speaker 1:But I'm thinking, you know, I can maybe be attracted to the bear market for the games.
Speaker 2:Well, we've had that discussion that way. I listened to that podcast. You tried that one.
Speaker 1:I know I want to try again. I said that to my missus. I said I'm sure there would be people out there who want to have only fans for bears and stuff. But then again I went to that bear night and no one gave me a fucking sniff. That's the thing.
Speaker 2:These are funny things that you do think like I'm going to go to these clubs and like what am I going to do? As if you're like walking on like a fucking road like everyone's always after you and you go to a gay bar and you're like, yeah shit, I'm not attractive. I'm not attractive to either sec this is.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't normally like as I've got as a moulder when I if I go to a gay bar stuff, I don't, I don't worry about it in the, because it was like a specific bear night and I'm fit in that category I thought, okay, I've got to be ready for a bit of attention tonight, you know. You know I've just sort of play it.
Speaker 2:You know, play yourself fucking nothing.
Speaker 1:When I was the first ever gay bar I went to, when this is back in the nineties I went in there and I did have that naive kind of like oh my God, you know what's going to happen. And that first guy that came up to you. He went oh hello, I went oh yeah. He went you're not gay, are you? I went, no little did he know.
Speaker 2:No, I'm joking, I thought it was the toilet.
Speaker 1:So that was that, but yeah, so it's good fun, and on that night gay bears would catch it on their belly.
Speaker 2:I've seen it. That is a niche, fucking. That's a niche. Only fun to count, yeah. Yeah, two bears, one cat, yeah.
Speaker 1:Maybe that should be the pearl of wisdom. If the bear wears, catch it to get in the shower. Are we still doing that pearl of wisdom thing? I don't know.
Speaker 2:If we're going to do it, let's start the next one.
Speaker 1:I found them funny, but they're also a bit random. Yeah, we'll do it in the next one. Yeah.
Speaker 2:We'll maybe put it in the polluter vote. We'll see what it is and think Me and you, it's probably going to be 50-50.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I'm going to go and smear my shit up the walls. See you next week. See you next week.
Speaker 2:See you next week.